Bottle It Up

My friend Amy Dalley just posted a preview of one of her new songs on her Facebook and YouTube. The song is titled "Bottle It Up". The words are really meaningful, but it is the pictures that get me. Amy is a really beautiful person with great talent and a great family. Several of my friends have posted her video without knowing her because they said the words totally sum up how they feel about their kids and family. I hope you enjoy it and feel free to pass it on.

www.amydalley.com

Rescue Remedy

You know Penelope don't endorse products. I won't advertise on here even though many have told me I could make money. I am telling you that Rescue Remedy for Pets rocks. Daisy the Dog of the Century™ is scared to death of storms. It is sad because we have thunderstorms every afternoon in Florida. I heard about Rescue remedy years ago. You put a couple of drops under your tongue and it calms you down. I tried ti yesterday on Daisy and it worked! A storm is rolling through right now and I used it again. She is sitting down on the floor next to me instead of pacing and looking liked the monkey things from the Wizard of Oz!

I have tried to look up what it is how the shit do what it do. There is not really an explanation beyond it is flower essence. WTF is "flower essence"??? Here's a cut and paste from the website: 

Did you know.... 

that Jay McCarrol, the winner of the reality TV show Project Runway, used Rescue Remedy on the show's grand finale??? 

Jennifer Anniston says it keeps her cool under pressure. 

Cate Blanchett swears by it, and Salma Hayek has been a fan for years. 

Martha Stewart uses Rescue Remedy and Rescue Sleep.

Van Morrison ordered Rescue Remedy before his performance in Texas, 2010.

It's called Bach's "Rescue Remedy®

Since Jennifer Aniston uses it, I will. If that 'ho Angelina used it, I wouldn't.

Swiffing™

I just got home and decided to do a little light swiffing. You know, when you wipe the counters and use The Swiffer™ to clean up really fast?

I remember my old friend Cindy crying to me about her then husband. Her quote was, "when Randy cleans he just gets The Swiffer out and does it half ass." In Cindy's mind, his approach to cleaning (i.e. just swiffing) summed up their whole relationship. I just looked up said Swiffer and it has a ® not a ™. I am ™ it because it is now a product (a noun) and a verb. Kind of like how The ManGroomer™ became a way to describe a guy. Example, "Ew, it sounds like he is a Mangroomer™".

Eat, Pray...

You would have to be living under a rock to not have heard about the book (and now the movie) Eat, Pray, Love. I read it before the hype. I'm not trying to say I'm all cutting edge or a trend setter. A friend recommended it to me in November of 2007 when I was in the depths of hell with my spontaneous marriage combustion. At first I didn't identify with the book. There was no "event", she was just married to a guy that sounded really boring. My friend raved about the book so I plowed on. I don't feel like I am at risk for spoiling the book--you can tell what happens by the title (and the majority of the females in the United States have read it...it is kinda like everyone owned a copy of Fleetwood Mac Rumors in the mid to late 70's and knew the words to every song). 

When we were 12 we used to laugh at his balls...

I have been really struck by how this book has taken off. Don't get me wrong--I liked it. Still, it intrigues me that the theme resonates with so many people. She breaks up, eats, looks for meaning and then falls in love again. I am being flip (my Mom used to say, "Don't be Flip with me Missy!") I've eaten and prayed in Tampa. Shit, do I have to get on a plane and go to Bali to love? I do have a lot of frequent flyer points, but I'm not sure if I can get that kind of time off. 

I went to see the movie while I was in New York. It was at a theater where one had to go up 4 escalator flights to get to the theatre. Before the movie started there were warnings about protecting your personal belongings with a small addition at the end of the warning about fire exits. My mind kept going to what if this place lights up? All I saw were those single file escalators. Then my mind went to the bed bug epidemic in the city. Were there creepy crawlies on the head rest? As my mind raced, the guy behind me began to kick the back of my seat. At home I would have turned around and politely said, "you may not realize it, but you are kicking my seat."  Not in New York. No way. He might be packing HEAT! But I digress...

I've read lots of reviews of the book and the movie. Some criticize Elizabeth Gilbert for being self centered. I just looked at her website to see if it is titled as a memoir (sister needs to get a new Web designer--her site sucks and I hate the font...), my point being, this is about her journey. It is going to be self centered. There was a woman reading the book sitting in front of me on the plane last night. She was in her mid 50's and married. I wondered out loud to Polly if the book made her wonder about her life, marriage and if she wanted to escape. Polly replied, "Yes, and I'm sure it's not the first time she's thought about it." Is that what scares people about this book? I used to work with a guy that told me he didn't want his wife to watch Oprah because when she did she would start to think and get crazy ideas. (Yes, he was an AssClown). Ironically, the book has been featured on Oprah a couple of times, confirming the fact that all roads lead back to Oprah. Reminds me, the book has also been the butt of many jokes and even made an appearance on South Park:

From Urban Dictionary...

Queef	7435 up, 768 down
	an expulsion of wind from the vulva during coitus; a vaginal fart. Rumor has it that Thea can queef the alphabet.

This post has been all over the place, but I am sure you, Dear Reader, have been able to follow.  

The Reliable Wife

I just finished a book that I can not get out of my mind. The Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick.

My blogging friend Sandy is the book reviewer. I don't think I can even take a stab at this one. Let me put it to you this way--I was in New York City for the weekend and I found myself pulling it out and reading it every time we stopped in the room to freshen up or take a break. I could not put it down.

Bat Coffin Purse

I was just searching for something on Amazon and came across this little gem:

Demonia Bat Coffin Purse Bag Gothic Vampire Slayer Backpack

I am speechless

Apps

Sexual Offenders--There's an app for that. Believe it or not. I can't tear myself away from looking at all the freaks that live within a 10 mile radius of me. Then I started looking at all kinds of addresses. My friends, my family members...even co-workers. There's one down the road from my niece. I sent her a text with the address. She told me about a great site called Watchdog. You can sign up and get updates when a ped moves into your neighbor. I love technology!

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

Greenlighting in NYC

I went with my GreenlightCard friends for an interview they had on NBC in New York City. You think it is nerve-racking getting ready for a first date...try heading to 30 Rockefeller Place for a 7pm interview on Friday night.  It went really great!

https://www.greenlightcard.com/

I gots to PEE

The audio isn't synced with the video so it looks like a Japanese horror flick (which is good because I don't really want video of me out there).

Status Updates

There were many reasons I got rid of Facebook. It has been freeing. It's like cutting out bread and losing 10 lbs in 2 days. One of the reasons I got rid of it was the vague, annoying status updates from the people that weren't really a friend, but I was too much of a pussy to ignore their friend invite. You know the kind of updates I mean, things like..."Things were really bad, but I think they are getting better". They were usually followed by 20 comments from their other not really friends saying, "I hope you are okay", "what is wrong?", "I'm praying for you", etc. Then the 21st comment is from the original non-friend telling all by saying something like, "Publix is finally stocking the kind of potato chips I've asked them to stock for the last 3 months." I used to try to post things that were funny. I've had several "status updates" go through my mind the last few days. Here are a few:

• Scrubbing Bubbles works on everything.
• I may end up on the front page of the St. Pete Times with a picture of me pummeling one of my customers. I'll be the one with the cute shoes.
• I hate it when I get a work call in the middle of my mani/pedi.
• I just met my new neighbor outside at midnight while I had on a tank top with no bra, a facial mask and my reading glasses. I think I made a good first impression as Daisy sniffed his dog's butt.
• What does it mean that my DVR is my closest friend?
• The Jet Blue Flight Attendant is my FUCKIN' HERO!