People, I got boyfriend, a lover, a companion (what the hell do I call a guy I like, we do it and he spends the night when I'm 46?) I shall refer to him as my Manfriend™.
I've been keeping my red flag detector hidden. Of course I did a full background check on myfloridacounty.com. He truly was divorced for 5 years. He really does have a condo he is buying. He's polite. He plans dates. One night he asked me if I was comfortable in bed because he had his arm around me. I almost had a fuckin seizure. I've never had a guy ask me if I was comfortable. They sure will tell you if you inadvertently bump them with your elbow and it hurts while you're blowing them. Ugh. This one is different.
We talked tonight about what our "Issues" were. He quietly said his are around trust and fear of abandonment. (his father died when he was 11--same as me). I agreed that when you lose a parent that young that abandonment could come up. It was my turn to share. People, we know I got a long ass list. I stuck with the top level items. Trust particularly around cheating. I experienced a large amount betrayal in a short period of time--John, match.com tool, Spencer, Special Ops Boy and Dillhole. Thank god I didnt sleep with them all. My other one is convincing myself that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I didn't tell him that one. I can't show all my crazy cards. I also know I can be kinda sassy to cover up my nerves.
He will occasionally say that I am "crazy". I had him clarify that he meant in a funny way. I told him I've had extensive sessions with the finest therapist in Tampa Bay and I'm essentially cured. Some of my friends read this,but more strangers follow the blog. I talk like I write. It's in my mind and my mouth is open and the words tumble out.
Tonight I told him I write a blog(and that I haven't blogged much lately since I was making up for lost time in the sex department). I also told him I would not feel comfortable letting him read it. Some is me at my worse. A lot of me at my funniest. It may show sides that a manfriend may never see and may not need to see. He said he understood. Give me your opinion. You guys have been reading this since the beginning.
He's kind and really smart. He's good looking. He loves my animals. I started to fall when he kissed my dog on the head goodbye. He doesn't compliment with words. I don't like to fish for em either. Lord knows after the road I've been these past few years a girl has gotta hear some nice stuff. I stare at his eyes and his smile and I think that's it. That's his compliment. And then he pets Daisy.
I need a secret Manfriend™ decoder ring...
