Definition of Insanity...

Things that I have given a 2nd (or 3rd, or 4th) chance that didn't deserve it:

• Anything made of citronella that says it will kill mosquitoes. I am a Florida native. I have been eaten alive again. When will I learn?
• Victoria's Secret Bras--they were shitty in the 90's and they are shit now. I have a new $50 bra and the underwire is stabbing me.
• Internet Dating--Requires no explanation.

Blind Leading the Blind

So I had an OK Cupid date on Sunday. It was our first meeting. I get to the coffee place a bit early. I scanned the room and did not see him. I went to the bathroom to make sure the "do" was smooth, lipstick even and no boogs. I go out and scan again. It is a beautiful day so I decided to wait outside. As I walk out the door I see a guy sitting on the bench with sunglasses on that kinda looks like the OKC guy. He gives me a nod and stands up. He hugs me and kisses my cheek (ew).  Right away I notice he is eye level with me. OKC guy said 6' on his profile. Not 5 fuckin 8. He says, "Let's go in." We go in and I look at his hair. He's looking at my boobs. His hair was shorter than I remembered from the pictures. He takes his sunglasses off. I said, "you look different than your pictures." He said, "Really?, I think I look the same." He started to tell me about his 10 year old. OKC guy definitely did not have kids. I said, "wait is your name _____..." The guy laughed and said, "Oh no!" We walked back outside. A woman walked up that had the same hairstyle as me. He whispered, "say nothing." He smiled at her and she waved. He said to her, "this place is crowded, let's go down the street." I nodded. 2 minutes later, OKC guy walks up. He is 6 feet and he looked better than his pictures!  He shook my hand and did not gawk at my boobs. I told him the story and he laughed. Stay tuned for more details...

Another Tool in the Internet...

Get it? It's like Another Brick in the Wall for all you Pink Floyd fans. I never knew they said "bikesheds" until my ex-Brit husband told me.

If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. 
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?
You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddie!"



But I digress...

While I was looking for a guy taking a self portrait in his car, I came across this little jewel. I'm in a kinda cynical, I'd-like-to-kick-you-in-the-balls mood right now. It is taking all self restraint to not send him a message that says "You are a tool." Here's an excerpt. Double-Click to make it bigger for easy reading (and then puking).

Vehicular Date-O-Cide

So I've been chit chatting with a guy I met online. He is smart, funny, divorced for a couple of years and (most importantly), can spell and has a full command of the English language. The other day we were talking about how queer (odd, peculiar, not gay, homosexual) it is that people post pictures of themselves in their car. One moment while I google up an example of a random online dating fool...

Easily found in approximately 0.4 sec:

Poor guy. But you know my rule...you put your shit on the web you run the risk of Penelope doing a screen shot and making fun of you.

So funny new guy sends me an email on Thursday with a picture of himself sitting in the car and the subject line read, "Before the Accident." Okay, that shit is funny, BUT I am highly competitive. I had to one up him. I sent this with the subject line of "During the Accident"...

Now THAT is some funny shit. I was in a parking lot laughing my ass off while I took the pictures. I bet there was a crowd looking out a window wondering what I was doing.

Ghosts of Internet Dating Past

Okay, so the other day I get a text from a number I don't recognize. It says "are you working?" I write the polite, "I'm sorry, I'm not sure who this is." They write, "is this Penelope?". I say, "who is this please?" The reply was, "Spencer."  Thanks to the technology of screen shots I can give you a play by play. I couldn't do the initial texts since it has my real name and my cover would be blown...

Commentary...he sent me an email a few weeks ago (which I promptly permanently deleted) and told me he was getting divorced (recall he is the tool that got married 5 months after we stopped dating...) I wasn't rude in my reply email, but I was cool.  Thoughts...he's looking for poonanny. He's white and I'm green in the texts. Notice his defensive tone. 

p.s. in case you are wondering...from Urban Dictionary:

Commentary...Have to put this in context for you. In his email he sent a couple of weeks ago he said he realized he married a woman that he was trying to "save." I didn't ask from what (cuz I didn't really care).

Commentary...The Punisher™

Whutever. I did not reply...

Online Dating Hell Part 1 (From a woman's perspective)

Online Dating Hell Part 1 (From a guy's perspective)

I made this little video. I thought it would be funny to do a series about online dating.  It is my first try. I will keep at it.

The website is pretty cool : /www.xtranormal.com

The Glades, Antecedents and Chemistry...

Oh my!

This is such a crazy dating story that I am not sure typing it out gives it justice. I would video this post, but I've been really sick (i.e.minimal hygiene has been going on). Here goes:

Started talking to a guy via email that I met online. He is my age, single, said (key word said) he was an attorney, 6'4" (always a plus) and seemed very intelligent in his messages. We agreed to meet for drinks. I have a rule. I don't give my number out. I see no reason for talking on the phone. This is why:

1. I don't want them to have my number if they turn out to be a psycho (think Craigslist Killer).
2. I've talked on the phone with guys before. They seem funny and smart. I get to the date and they are either 20 lbs heavier or with breath that singed my nose hairs (or both).
3. I prefer 20 minutes at Starbucks or a fast drink. Nothing out of my way and I see it as a way to hone my dating and limit setting skills.

Day before we are supposed to meet, Jeff (real name because ASSHOLES get to keep their real names), sends me his phone number and asks for mine. I send him my standard reply--I don't give out my number, thanks for understanding, blah, blah. He writes back that the fact I will not give out my number sends him a red flag. Oh NO!--don't you dare use red flag on me! His message is kinda funny and he outlined 4 hypothetical scenarios as to why I may be reluctant to give out my number. They range from-- I am not who I say I am, to I am a nice woman that is a bit gun shy. There was one where he made reference to the fact that with his position he surrounds himself with quality people. He suggests I do *67 and block my number. I decided to call him (gut told me not to. always go with the gut...). I use my work Blackberry and blocked the number. Our call goes okay and he is pretty funny. We agree to meet the next night at 5 (he has a charity event after...or so he says). He does let me know in roundabout ways that he is very successful at what he does. Ew.

I get to the place a few minutes early. It was Cerviche for the Tampa folks that want to visualize the scene of the crime. I sit at the bar and order a water. In walks a really tall guy. He looks at me and smiles. He comes over and does the hug thing. Not a fan. I feel like it is a boob feel/smell you/too invasive thing to do on a first meeting. He knows the bartender by name, "Mike, I'd like a dirty martini..." Ew. He then haggles over which brand and then settles on the house gin that probably comes in a plastic bottle (you can take the bartender out of the bar, but you can't take the bartender out of the girl. Or something like that). We start to talk. He looks at me and says, "you look much more fit than I imagined." My mind races with possible responses:

1. Actually, you look much worse than I imagined. Do you own an iron or know about something called the dry cleaners?
2. Thanks
3. Fuck you

I opt for just a vague smile and say I do Pilates. He starts to tell me how he is an appellate attorney and how perceptive he is about body language. I nod my head and wonder how quickly I can down my drink. For some reason he starts to tell me about a trip to the "Glades". Using the term "Glades" instead of The Everglades is similar to tourists calling San Francisco- "Frisco" or Atlanta- "HotLanta". Ew. He goes into a story how he was with his buddies and he was swimming in a creek  in the "Glades." Suddenly a 12 footer [alligator] is swimming towards him.  He pompously tells me that gators are afraid of people and this one was obviously a problem. He said he kept swimming towards the "12 footer" and suddenly the gator drops under the surface of the water. Jeff said he kept swimming to the other side without knowing if the gator had left or was underneath him. He tells me that gators eat people once they reach 10 feet. I make my eyes wide and nod as I have my straw crammed in my mouth sucking up much needed alcohol. This dildo never asked me where I was from. He then says he and his buddies knew they needed to "take care" of this problem gator. He says that they formed a lasso out of rope. One guy threw the lasso in the water while another threw bread in front of the loop.  The alligator went for the bread and by doing so went through the loop of the lasso. The guys tighten the lasso and wrestled the gator to the creek edge. At that point Jeff said he took a fishing spear and killed the gator. He tells his story and looks at me for approval. I said, remember when you told me you are really perceptive? I point my index finger at my face and circle it a few times. I say, "tell me what my face reads right now?" He says, "disbelief?" I smile and say, "Bingo!" I said, you never asked me where I'm from. I am born and raised in Florida. For the first 11 years of my life I lived on a creek that was full of alligators. I was raised by a major outdoorsmen and shot my first gun at 7. "So no, I don't believe you." He then asked which part of the story did I find hardest to believe. I said I wondered about the rope being positioned perfectly and time and buoyancy would have to come into play. He replies, (and I shit you not), "Really, I figured killing the gator with the spear was harder to believe." He then said, "what can I do to get you to believe it?" I asked if there was a picture.  He said no. I then said, "I'm really not that invested in the story to care if it is true or not." I tilt my wrist to check the time. It is only 5:15. Ugh...how do I leave?

He then tells me he made dinner for a woman last night at his condo. Plank salmon. He had brought this up on the phone too. I commented that they must have been on several dates if she is going over to his place. He said he's made dinner for her several times and smiles. I said, "are you sleeping with her?" He replied, "yes." I told him I was confused because he said he was interested in a long term, monogamous relationship. He said that was true. He said he and the woman had chemistry, but knew they didn't have the potential to be a couple. I asked if she knew he was dating. He said yes and she was too. Ew. He then goes on to talk about dating in your 40's. I made the comment that with life experience everyone has their stuff and it is all how one deals with it. Do they stay stuck or move on? He stares at me and says, "I don't understand what you are saying." I repeat myself and say, "Some folks have baggage/issues/stuff. It is all how one deals with it that can impact future relationships." He then says, "Stuff is a pronoun. I need an antecedent." PEOPLE, I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!

antecedent |ˌantəˈsēdnt|nouna thing or event that existed before or logically precedes another : someantecedents to the African novel might exist in Africa's oral traditions.• ( antecedents) a person's ancestors or family and social background : her early life and antecedents have been traced.• Grammar a word, phrase, clause, or sentence to which another word (esp. a following relative pronoun) refers.• Logic the statement contained in the “if” clause of a conditional proposition.• Mathematics the first term in a ratio.adjectivepreceding in time or order; previous or preexisting : the antecedent events that prompt you to break a diet.• denoting a grammatical antecedent.

First, my mind scrambled...antecedent. It's one of those words you kinda know, but no normal person uses it in conversation. I figured it out by the context. I then said, "Stuff means baggage. Here's a prime example, a woman gets cheated on. Trust is breached. She puts a wall up. In her next relationship she has to decide if she proceeds as if all men are cheaters or be open to trusting again." Again, the freakish stare and "I don't understand. You speak in colloquialisms."  At this point I am looking for a rusty fork to impale myself on. I said, "that's interesting, I feel like I am articulate and people seldom ask me to repeat myself. I may use modern language and slang, but I use it in ways to get my point across."  Then I said, how about this, "Woman finds out husband is fucking someone else. She is pissed. Doesn't trust. It is up to her how she deals with the fact that she worries all men will fuck around. Does that make sense?" Blank stare.

I then dig out my valet ticket and tip for the driver. He says, "Oh, I'll get this. " I told him, "this is for the valet." He then tells me he will wait for me because the valet takes forever and he parked on the street. Now for the Pièce de résistance:

Envision me on left bar stool. He is on my right. My legs are practically straight to the bar (as in you gross me out and I am not turning towards you). He puts his left  hand on my right leg and squeezes and then slides up towards my hooey. I squeal and smack his hand. He then cocks his head to the right, gently brushes my hair to the side and leans in for a kiss! I physically recoil and say, "Oh no, you're not trying to kiss me!" He looks like I slapped him and says, "I thought we had chemistry." I said, "First, I don't make out in restaurants!", he replies, "this is a lounge." I then said, "More importantly, I don't kiss guys that slept with someone the night before or possibly today AND WE DON'T HAVE CHEMISTRY!!!!" He then says, "I need to go." I go out and hand my ticket to the valet. Jeff shakes my hand and tells me "good luck." I kinda laugh and say, "you too."  He walked really slow to his car. The valet did take forever. I got to see him get into a really old Jeep Cherokee and drive away.

There is no way I can make this shit up.

ps my friend that is an attorney could not find him anywhere on the law sites...

OKCupid

My friend Jenn always says it's a number game. I agree. I decided to do the online thing again. This time I chose OKCupid.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. --Ben Franklin or was it Albert Einstein or was it Mark Twain or anonymous in a Narcotics Anonymous Handbook? There is great debate on this one, but I digress.

This site is:

• Free
• You can be very specific. You can go the gamut from saying you are looking for a one night stand or a monogamous long term relationship.
• You can set up filters so if someone that doesn't meet your criteria (a smoker for example) will get an email back when they try to contact saying something like, "Thanks for your interest. You don't meet the parameters." I love that because I do think there are some nice guys out there and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings by not responding. Mainly, it weeds out the freaks.
• Different in the fact that you answer questions (you choose which ones you want to answer and if you want them published). If someone has answered the same questions, you can see how the other person thinks. They range from ethics, family, politics, relationships, racism--all kinds of things. They also use the questions as a way to determine compatibility. For example, they will put 89% match if most of the questions are similar or something like 56% like I saw today from a guy that was 5'8", smoked and loved NASCAR!

I have a great dating story but I need to be non cracky when I post this one. More later...

More Match.com Narcissistic Insanity

My friend sent me this guy. I CAN NOT believe the shit he has in his profile. It is a manifesto. I couldn't fit it all in one screen shot:

My favorites:

• I'm a philanthropist--read I'm rich. (I always think anyone that talks about how they help, they really don't do much).
• Spells a lot, "alot". Idiot.
• Can you be in my boat on the ocean all day and be ready for a formal dinner in 30 minutes? Toolbag.
• Would you spot me at the gym? Yes, you'd be the douche staring in the mirror, clanking weights and grunting.

Weidos on Match.com

I don't think this shit ever gets old. Here's the latest match.com email one of my friends received with her "mutual" matches:

Double Click to enlarge to fully experience the freakiness

My fave is the Viking. I am also drawn to the serial killers to his left.

How Much is that Doggie in the Web Cam?

People, I believe I've got the winning freak match.com story. I went to Pilates today and my instructor (still thinking of a name and picture for her) told me this one. A British guy. Divorced. Cute enough in the picture. They decided to talk on the phone. They start talking about pets. He has 2 dogs. I forget the breeds...something like a Corgi and a Papillon mix. People, get ready. This guy admitted to setting up a web cam so he could look at his dogs while he was at work. WTF!? You know how breathing is very important during pilates? I was laughing so hard that I screwed up the inhales, exhales and holds. I actually think I may have peed a little. What would make him think that was an okay thing to admit? I told her I would have rather heard he liked to fly those weird helicopters or mini airplanes. But wait...that's not all! He also has a yearly pass to Disney and Epcot. NOT sexy. 

There is a silver lining to this story. Imagine if he never admitted to the freakish dog cam. Things went well. They went on several dates. Made out. Pledged undying love (or decided they just wanted to get jiggy). They did it at her place the first time. THEN, they go to his place the next time. They do it.  She walks into the kitchen in the morning for post coital coffee and she sees the web cam. He then tells her it is set up to watch his dogs and he checks in while at work. THE HORROR!

Now I have even more pre-dating questions to ask:

• Are you married?
• Do you have a dog cam?
• When was the last time you went to Disney?
• If I was to go on myfloridacounty.com would I see that you are married? (it's good to ask the question in several different formats).
• Are you not divorced?
• Do you have a kid or 2 that you forgot to tell me about?
• Do you own a remote controlled airplane, helicopter or car?
• Who's your favorite Disney character. Yell, "GOTCHA!" when he says Pluto.
• Do you go to Orlando a lot?
• Do you have a roommate? If answer is "yes", proceed to follow up question, "is it your wife?"

Okay, if my pilates instructor (let's call her Belle as in Belle in Beauty and the Beast) was a cartoon she would look like this:

Not so much the open leg thing--more the in great shape and sassy thing.

Here's Belle. I had to google "female disney characters". All I could think of was Minnie. Haven't been to Orlando in a while...

Princes and Tigers and Cowboys. Oh my...

My friend forwarded me an email from match.com.

Look at Golfprince15 with his little dog and beverage in hand while striking a Hugh Hefner pose. I don't know if you can see it--Tiger2929ace has on purple eyeshadow and mascara. Omanpenie_3z needs help in his selection of screen names.  Notice TexasCowboy0109 is currently separated. At least he is honest...

Click on the picture and it show get bigger so you can view the hunks better.

I showed it to my niece. She had never read match profiles before. We were howling. After looking at the pictures, we went to breakfast. We started to give everyone in the restaurant screen names. Try it--it is really fun. Here is the formula I think they use:

• Start with what they do or like
• Add in something to do with women or love
• Finish with a number that has significance to them

Examples: yoga4ubaby6523, Bucsrule6969, me4u317, tennispro4luv_23

Pre Date Background Check

Lawd knows I have told you some gruesome stories about guys not being who they say they is...I gave my friend C. a lesson on using one of the finest sites in all the land: myfloridacounty.com. She is getting ready to have a first date with a guy after emailing and texting through match.com. He has a few questionable things in his past: looks like he was arrested in connection with Publix (probably did not pay the fees for writing a check that bounced) and a DUI when he was 22. C says he seems intelligent in written word, has a good job and is polite. She is really struggling with this--does she write off the guy as a loser or give him a chance since these things happened years ago? Here are the observations that have come up between C, me and some friends (one friend is a cop, another accountant, and the third an attorney).

• He was young. We all do dumb things when we are young...
• But a DUI?
• He got arrested for the Publix deal. How bad was it? It looked like one check for $76.  Publix doesn't mess around with people that do not pay the fees.
• But still, getting arrested? Why not pay the fees or get someone to help you?

This whole thing brings forward a bigger question--how quick are we to judge? I will tell you 3 stories about the past of a successful friends of mine:

• She got so fed up with school and her home life that she left 12th grade early and moved out with a boyfriend. She got a GED and ended up going to cosmetology school. She was an apprentice in a hair salon and immediately knew she hated it. She started to wait tables to save for school. It took her a while, but she ended up going back to school and eventually got a bachelors degree.
• Another one was so poor when she was 19 that her only meal would be at the Bennigan's where she waited tables at night. For a $1.50/day she could eat soup and muffins. She would take her tips and drive through the bank in the morning to cover the checks she had written the day before to pay the bills on time. One morning the bank called her to question the activity on her account. It was a vicious cycle. She ended up getting her Bachelors when she was 42.
• The third one made such bad grades in high school that the guidance counselor suggested she learn a "trade" such as being a scrub tech in the operating room. The counselor didn't didn't get that she was miserable at home and school bored her. She ended up becoming a nurse and never worked in the OR.

All three now own a house, own their car, have a decent retirement account, good credit and they are nice people. Oh yeah...those 3 bullet points all describe me at different times in my life. On the front end I had a GED, a cosmetology license and I waited tables. One could call me a loser. Now, I am a registered nurse, I have my bachelors in business with a focus on healthcare and a great job.  I am considered successful.

Conversely, Special Ops Boy:

• Looks great on paper. An officer in the Navy. Clean cut (aren't they all), divorced, no kids, grew up on a farm in PA, hardworking, spoke about how important values are and a bit boring. He would appear to be a "catch."
• In reality--A liar, remarried, has a baby, doesn't seem to work that hard, has no moral compass and is still boring. Not a "catch".

So, what does C do? Does she cancel the date due to this guy's past or give it a try?

Penelope P.I.

One of my friends that lives up in Jacksonville is on match.com. She asked me about  checking up on the guys--I am known as the Internet sleuth. I can't take all the credit. I learned my best tricks from Sulie. So for all the Florida girls out there...this is how you do it:

Go to myfloridacounty.com

• See online services
• Under that look at bullets, select-
• Order official records
• Bottom of page, middle choice:
• Non subscriber search

Be careful. It is easy to get caught up in all the information. Double-check counties and middle initials. For example, in Hillsborough county, there is another woman with my name. She has a different middle initial, a judgment and a foreclosure. 

My friend is beautiful. Long dark hair, dazzling smile, kick ass body and a personality to match. She is 10 year younger than me. She just had another guy tell her he was out of town on the 4th but he posted pictures of a party at his pool on a social networking site. I don't get why the dating thing is such a challenge (at any age).

Cock-a-Doodle

I had a work meeting down in Bonita Springs last weekend. Sulie and niece Jackie came down to stay at the sassy hotel. After the meeting, we went out by the pool. It was the kind of place where a lovely lady brings $8 Mojitos right to you in your lounge chair. Jackie was all over me about men and dating. Questions, questions--why haven't I been going out? Have I given anyone a GreenlightCard? She started to pick out guys and ask me if I would, ya know, do it with them? Okay...

A) This is my niece asking me this (She is 34, but still)

B) Oh my GOD! Have I lost it?

She asked if I had always been shy about guys. I said no--I used to be pretty confident. I got the poolside, Mojito fueled analyzation.

• Was it John? No
• Was it the whole match.com/guys are fucking freaks thing? Nah.
• Trust issues? No, lawd knows I have spent enough time at the shrinkola for that.
• Tired? Maybe.
• Rather just stay home? Yep, getting warmer.

As Jackie dug deeper, she got more animated. She asked me what I was afraid of? I told her I wasn't 25 anymore and I didn't just smile and flirt and get a guy. I told her that I thought once I married John I was done with the whole dating thing. Another round of Mojitos arrived as Jackie pummeled me with questions. She told me she felt like if I really wanted a little "Cock-a-Doodle", that I could get it. I believe I inhaled my sip of Mojito and it ended up in my right lower lung at that point. I had changed her diapers and she is talking to me about cock?

All I could envision was something like this...

Yet another use for a Ziplock bag

I went to a party today that had a woman reading tarot cards. I had never done that before. I had my palm read on South Beach a few year ago, but never tarot cards. My friend had the tarot card reader set up in a back room. We took terms going back for a 15 minute reading. I walked into the room with a smile. I had no idea what to expect. She asked me what question I had for her. I was unprepared because I didn't know I was supposed to come with a question. I laughed and said, "I bet it's the same question most people ask you--what is going to happen with my love life?" She laughed and had me shuffle the deck. I can't remember the whole order, but there was a main theme. At first she said, "are you in a relationship now?" I said no. She frowned and asked, "did one end recently?" I told her no and that I had been divorced for a couple of years, but the financial part drug out. She said, "Ohhhh...now I see." She commented how busy and productive I am and that I am happy and I have a good life, but no man (thanks...tell me something I don't know). She said she felt a strong theme of frustration around dating. I laughed and gave her the Reader's Digest version of AssClowns and match.com. She transformed before my eyes. She went from Tarot Card Reader to Sister Friend. Her shoulders slumped and her voiced changed. She said, "men are just looking to get laid on match. It is a good thing that you cancelled." Then she went back to Tarot Card Reader. Shoulders back, false eyelashes fluttering, and cards flying. Then she looked directly at me and asked, "is there a man from your past that has come back into your life?" I said no. She said there is one. I told her that there was an on/off/on/off/on/off (I lost count of the ons and offs) guy (that would be Dillhole on here). She said he was coming back into my life and this is a red flag (RED FLAG--her exact quote). She said he was bad news and to stay away. She then told me to put his name on a piece of paper, put it in a ziplock bag and put it in my freezer. She said that would block him! I promised I would do just that. She went on to some new cards. She flipped one that had a crow (I think) and she muttered, "oh no..." I said, "don't say that!" She asked, "are you sure that you no longer have contact with your ex husband? Are there kids you stay in contact with?" I quickly gave her the 2 minute recap of "No. He won't let them talk to me but there is his wacky first wife..." (p.s. I did not update you Dear Readers, that Annie  emailed me twice last week and called me last Friday. She wants to catch up and needs help on a job search. I emailed her back that I was pretty busy. I was all business, but I was a pussy.I had an opportunity to really set limits and I didn't do it. She called me even when I wrote to her that I was unable to talk.) Tarot Lady's eyes got big and she said, "that's it." She said you need to block her. She is trying to keep you connected to this John. Put her name on a piece of paper, put it in a ziplock and freeze it!

So here they are...right next to the Ezekiel bread that tastes like shit. It may be hooey, but I wrote those names down and put them in their own little bags and tossed them in the freezer!

The Internet is the new "Bar"

JCH made a good point in a comment--

I still stand by what I said about the internet; it's the new bar. The rule is you never marry someone you meet in a bar. Now it's you never get involved with someone you meet on the internet. Yes there are instances where it works, but thats the rarity.

I would never (watch I use the "n" word and next week I'll post about it) date a guy I met in a bar. So why would I date a guy I met on the Internet? Both Spencer and SOB were Internet catches... 

The 40's are the new 30's, brown is the new black, and the Internet is the new bar. Agreed.

snatch.com

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Do I laugh or cry?

Okay people, it has come to this...I got a "wink" on match from a cross-dresser:

I can't date someone smaller than me. He/she looks like he/she wears a size 6. We couldn't share clothes or bras.

Seriously... I think it is great that Michelle puts him/herself out there. I wonder if a different dating site is a better forum?