Age and Attraction

This is a subject that has gotten my friends talking. Perceptions, beliefs and reality around age difference and attraction. I am writing this one as I go vs. having it written in my head. It's 11:25 and beautiful outside. I want to go get on my bike.  Ready, set, go!

I think what is "appropriate" when it comes to age differences can be learned as children from our parents. My Dad was 42 and my Mom was 32 when they were married. I was born a year later. My Dad was completely grey (actually most of it was white). I had an idea in my head from a very young age that being 40ish was very old, even though my Dad was very active. Ironically, if I don't go to the salon every 2.5 weeks, I too, would be 100% grey. Not sexy. That's a whole other post. My parents were 9 years apart in their age. It worked for them, BUT my Dad died at 54. I wonder if that adds to my perceptions around the 40s and 50s? I am remembering my post about my Mom having so many health issues when she was my age. Sulie was 9 when my Dad died unexpectedly. She has almost always dated guys that were older. Conversely, I've always been with guys close to my age with the exception of one guy. My best friend from high school often dated younger guys. The last time we talked she was seriously involved with a 27 year old and she was 43 at the time. Her parents were 11 years apart in age and I remember thinking her Father was ancient when we were in 8th grade. He was in his 40s then. He just seemed old to me. He was a music professor. He smoked a pipe while reading books. Those actions = old to me. A more real time example is my friend AmyD and Jack. They are 10 years apart and a really great match. JCH commented that his better relationships have been with women that are older than him. I think it has to do with the individuals and the chemistry. 

I had a talk with Lynn (therapist extraordinaire) about this subject. She said that people will have an idea in their mind of an ideal mate. She said it is important to check in and see what that ideal is. For instance, when I was in my early 20's the ideal would be tall, athletic, able to party all night, like to do "it" all night, loved music and concerts, didn't need to borrow money from me and had a running car. Now that "ideal" type would be an exhausting LOSER! I do realize I have some of the traits I cared about when I was younger engrained in my mind. Music is really important to me. I have album covers as art on the wall in my kitchen, I have 7,500 songs on my ipod and I still have more CDs to transfer, I couldn't count how many concerts I've been to...It is a real turn off if the guy doesn't know much about music. Ahh...memories, while we were dating John said to me, "I don't like to go to concerts much and I've never heard of more than half the music you play." RED FLAG!

Sandy wrote:

Funny topic, men and the age of attraction.  Now of course I am a married woman, but if I were single, I would have no issues dating older guys.  In general, they are more financially secure and don't act like sex-starved idiots. (I said in general!!  There are exceptions for everything!)  Many don't agree with me though.  I almost got in a fight with my hairdresser (who is only a few years younger than me) over this very topic.  One of my high school friends, still unmarried and is 44, will only date guys younger than her (almost cougarishly younger).  Oh well.  Whatever makes ya happy! 

Sandy brings up a point that Lynn also hit on recently. The sex starved idiot thing. Lynn pointed out that being with someone where sex is their #1 priority may lead to infidelity. What a concept. I got an email from an old boyfriend after he read one of my older posts. He had a excellent point-Sex is important but it doesn't take care of you when you're old. Ironically he was the only boyfriend that didn't cheat on me. 

So, in that full circle way that a lot of my posts take...it brings me back to what am I, you, any of us really looking for in a mate? I am not blaming myself, but it makes sense that I may attract not attract the best companions. If I am not clear on what I want, I can't imagine what kind of vibe I send out. I think on any given day it can be something like: Independent, don't need you, I still don't know how to put air in my tires, I'll pay for my own dinner, wanna come over but you better leave, I know you're a dick just like the rest of them, funny, serious, nice, mean, I will not get hurt again, oh just forget it.

Lynn has told me to make a list and I keep avoiding it. Here, why I don't I do it now.

Smart

Funny

Likes to read

Tall 

Good oral hygiene

Kind to children, animals and service staff in restaurants and bars

Digs music

Politics do not have to be exactly like mine, but they can not be polar opposite

Spiritual--you know I don't write about that on my blog--that's for you Scott! (:

I'll add more later!