More purging...

So I was just digging through some drawers looking for index cards. I never found the cards, but I found a fine, organized binder I had put together when I had to take John back to court. There are color coded tabs and a spreadsheet for Phil the Bulldog Attorney so he could quickly find what he needed. It was print outs of texts and emails. In the spirit of purging,I plan on trashing the contents of the binder tonight. I will admit I took a peek inside. My favorite is dated 12/26/08 at 18:40 pm. I am (again) asking John about getting the camp out of my name. Note this date is more than a year after I left Louisiana.  He says to me--

I find it tough to respond a lot of times because when I do you make it an opportunity to mock me or make your typical belittling comments. I'm not a good parent, small penis, karma, and so on.

He signs, No Need to reply

And I do:

Oh but I will. You are not a good parent, your penis is tiny and karma is getting you back.

Man, was I bitter. For the record--it wasn't tiny.  My friend, 24 has told me several times that my "quest for girth" scares him. I don't think guys understand that their dicks shrink exponentially when they cheat and lie. I remember sitting in the courtroom waiting for the judge and I showed that email exchange to Phil. He just smiled and said, ''don't you worry babe." That is funny culture they got there Sha. You should have seen John's attorney. She was from Baton Rouge (first mistake--Lafayette is a Man's Parish and you don't bring in a lady from the city). She was thin,pretty and decked out. She had a Badgley Mischka bag and it was real. Phil shook her hand said a cool hello and walked away from her while she was babbling about something. He whispered to me, "she's had weeks to call me if she wanted to talk." She kept whispering to John and giggling while we sat through other proceedings.I had a flash thought, "I wonder if they are fucking?" When It was our time, John was called to the stand. Phil annihilated him. Every time John answered a question he dug himself deeper and deeper in shit. John's whole fight was that he could not get refinancing, therefore he was not able to get the camp out of my name or pay the late fees that were part of our divorce. Phil started with questions about credit scores. John stammered. Phil asked why John signed the divorce papers if he knew he would not be able to secure financing. John feebly replied, "because that is what you had in the final divorce agreement" (John was too cheap to get an attorney when we divorced.) The whole courtroom laughed when John made his lame answer. His attorney got up thinking she was Miss Thang. Her questions meant nothing. I had to go up to take the stand. I was looking cute and I had a super, sassy purse with a big flower that I took up there with me. Miss Thang made me tell my address and then coyly asked if I owned my house. I replied, "yes." She started to ask if I had trouble getting financing because the camp was still in my name. Phil and his cowboys boots ejected up--"Objection." The judge agreed. She tried again. More Phil objecting. She then switched gears and dramatically pulls out a sheet of paper and asks me if it was true that I only taking John to court to "make him pay for getting a new girlfriend?" I busted out laughing as Phil objected. The judge said that had nothing to do with why we were in court. I stared daggers into John's eyes and marveled at how his head resembled a basket ball. He twitched and looked away. I wished I had a black Sharpie pen so I could write "Wilson" on his head and draw in the lines like there is on a basketball. Miss Thang knew she was out and said, "no more questions Your Honor." (Just like on T.V!)  I was released. I grabbed the sassy purse and walked back to sit by Phil. I noticed the whole courtroom was leaning forward like they were at a movie. Toothless Cajuns, Business Folk and Housewives awaited the judge's ruling. Judge T asked Phil what the late fees came up to. There was some quick calculating of $100/day for not refinancing the camp and $50/day for not getting Jet Ski's out of my name (can you believe that dumbshit signed that agreement?). Another one of John's arguments was there had been 2 hurricanes. He felt he should not be held responsible since there were "Acts of Mother Nature". He neglected to recall that he had drug his feet before the acts of mother nature...the divorce partition also stated that John was responsible for any legal fees. The Judge asked Phil what they amounted to. Phil calmly answered "my fee is $285/hour" and gave the total. Miss Thang jumped up and said 285 was way too high. Phil slowly drawled, "Judge, I am board certified in family law, I have over 25 years of experience in family law and the average fee for a family law attorney in Lafayette Parish is $250/hour." It was a beautiful thing to watch. The judge then looked at John and said, "Mr. F, you've made some very bad choices and Miss Penelope is going to benefit from them." He ruled in my favor and excluded 3 months for the hurricanes (since John had to make repairs from flooding). The look on John's face was priceless.  I feel like the Cajuns were going to put me on their shoulders and carry me out of the courtroom! Phil smiled and said, I've got to run to a deposition and left. I went out and got in the rental car to drive to the airport. John sent me several scathing texts telling me that I was taking money away from his boys. I didn't reply. You can't reason with a basketball...