I had a work meeting down in Bonita Springs last weekend. Sulie and niece Jackie came down to stay at the sassy hotel. After the meeting, we went out by the pool. It was the kind of place where a lovely lady brings $8 Mojitos right to you in your lounge chair. Jackie was all over me about men and dating. Questions, questions--why haven't I been going out? Have I given anyone a GreenlightCard? She started to pick out guys and ask me if I would, ya know, do it with them? Okay...
A) This is my niece asking me this (She is 34, but still)
B) Oh my GOD! Have I lost it?
She asked if I had always been shy about guys. I said no--I used to be pretty confident. I got the poolside, Mojito fueled analyzation.
- Was it John? No
- Was it the whole match.com/guys are fucking freaks thing? Nah.
- Trust issues? No, lawd knows I have spent enough time at the shrinkola for that.
- Tired? Maybe.
- Rather just stay home? Yep, getting warmer.
As Jackie dug deeper, she got more animated. She asked me what I was afraid of? I told her I wasn't 25 anymore and I didn't just smile and flirt and get a guy. I told her that I thought once I married John I was done with the whole dating thing. Another round of Mojitos arrived as Jackie pummeled me with questions. She told me she felt like if I really wanted a little "Cock-a-Doodle", that I could get it. I believe I inhaled my sip of Mojito and it ended up in my right lower lung at that point. I had changed her diapers and she is talking to me about cock?
All I could envision was something like this...
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