LinkedIn to ManGroomer™

Today I was a greeted with a delightful email from LinkedIn notifying me that John had joined LinkedIn. Yippee!!! If only I could reply to the email. This is what it would look like:

Dear LinkedIn,

Thanks for letting me know that John has joined LinkedIn. Now that AssClown is going to be a "2nd Degree Connection" to me on your website. I've burned cards and letters, deleted emails, sold jewelry and had rigorous therapy sessions. He is like herpes, he just don't go away, do he? 

Love,

Penelope