100% Done

I got an email from Jane (recall the Victor's Secret post) asking if it ever goes away 100%. She brings up a good question. I can recall crying to Annie a couple of years ago and asking her the same question. I have some thoughts after writing back to Jane:

• Event--Does there need to be an "event" to be over someone? I told Jane I felt a sense of "I'm done" when I watched John as the judge told him he had to pay me back the money he owed me per our divorce. I thought I would never be over Dillhole. I don't know that there was an event. Actually, there were so many I lost count. For some reason I finally made a conscious decision that it was over. Ironically that was the same time I met John. Look where that got me...(sarcasm intended and I am laughing, it's all part of my journey).
• Triggers--It is all about your thoughts. I could sit here on my bed and recount the night I read the text and all the stuff I found on the computer and get all twisted if I tried really hard. I actually just tried to see how it feels. It is like a book I read or a movie I saw. Jane mentioned the fact that I looked up Pao on Facebook. I do know that day I was feeling yucky. There was some drama going on between a couple of my friends that reminded me of all the John turmoil. There are triggers. It all contributed to me getting rid of my personal Facebook account. I would say to avoid triggers--initially for me it was books or movies about cheating, negative friends/acquaintances or just anything that left me feeling bad. 
• Change of focus--I went back to school when I moved back to Tampa. I had gotten laid off and I was fortunate that I had the opportunity to go to school. I was so busy with my classes that I didn't have time to ruminate. I also had a young cutie in one of my classes that told me I was a MILF. My reply was, "but I don't have kids."

All this reminds me of a story my Mom told me. While she was in nursing school or a new nurse (don't remember, but she was young--in her early 20s) she was dating a resident. She was in love with him. One Monday morning she got to the hospital and the nurses were all looking at the paper. My Mom asked what was going on. They were looking at wedding announcements. The doctor my Mom was dating had gotten married. Apparently he was Jewish and his parents insisted he married a Jewish woman. She was devastated. I can still see my Mom telling me that story when she was in her 50's. Her shoulders slumped and she stared off into the distance. I replied something like, "what a fucking dick!". She probably said, "yes, but please don't use that language." My Mom never made the choice to be done with Wimpy I Have To Do What Mommy and Daddy Tell Me To Do Doctor. It was sad. 

So....what I'm saying is I think it comes down to deciding you are 100% done. I think it is normal to have fleeting thoughts to call or write "you suck". I just watch for the triggers. As time goes on the memories become smaller and smaller.