Status Updates

There were many reasons I got rid of Facebook. It has been freeing. It's like cutting out bread and losing 10 lbs in 2 days. One of the reasons I got rid of it was the vague, annoying status updates from the people that weren't really a friend, but I was too much of a pussy to ignore their friend invite. You know the kind of updates I mean, things like..."Things were really bad, but I think they are getting better". They were usually followed by 20 comments from their other not really friends saying, "I hope you are okay", "what is wrong?", "I'm praying for you", etc. Then the 21st comment is from the original non-friend telling all by saying something like, "Publix is finally stocking the kind of potato chips I've asked them to stock for the last 3 months." I used to try to post things that were funny. I've had several "status updates" go through my mind the last few days. Here are a few:

• Scrubbing Bubbles works on everything.
• I may end up on the front page of the St. Pete Times with a picture of me pummeling one of my customers. I'll be the one with the cute shoes.
• I hate it when I get a work call in the middle of my mani/pedi.
• I just met my new neighbor outside at midnight while I had on a tank top with no bra, a facial mask and my reading glasses. I think I made a good first impression as Daisy sniffed his dog's butt.
• What does it mean that my DVR is my closest friend?
• The Jet Blue Flight Attendant is my FUCKIN' HERO!