Running from Ethan Hawk

Do you ever meet someone for the first time and they remind you of someone you already know? Not just vague resemblance--talk the same, same way they hold their body, same laugh? Why is it I always meet someone that looks/acts/is just like someone I know and that I don't like? It's never a twin of someone I like.

It is similar with movie actors.Last night I watched Before Sunrise. I never watched it when it came out years ago. I'd heard it was a great love story. I couldn't watch it. You know why? Ethan Hawke. He is a combination of expressions, talking, twitches and laughter of every guy I have ever wanted to run from. I heard a thing on NPR where a reference was made to Before Sunrise. I thought, "I'm going to watch it. I can do it." The red NetFlix envelope came last week. I don't feel like I am going to spoil it for anyone. It has been out since 1995. You've had 15 years to watch it.

Boy meets girl on train. He's American and going to Vienna to catch a flight back to the U.S. in the morning. She's French and going to Paris for school. They talk, they go to lounge car, he convinces her to get off train in Vienna to spend last night with him. He doesn't have money for a hotel. They walk around and talk and kiss and decide they dig each other. The way he convinces her to get off the train with him is a story about "what if?" He says what if years from now you're married and you wonder about al the guys you didn't give a chance? I almost started to type about "what ifs?". I will save that for later. At the end of the movie they decide to meet again in 6 months. I think there was a sequel. I know I can't do it.

Back to how Ethan Hawke reminded me of all the tools I've known before. Watching his creepiness was a great way to see what I have been attracted to in the moment that seemed good, but afterwards grosses me out.

• I'll start with John. He was all into me. Looked at me all googly eyed. While dating, we were in a tiny Italian restaurant on South Beach (checkered table cloths, waiter doesn't speak english, dark--the real deal). He said it reminded him of Lady and The Tramp in the spagetti eating scene. People, that is CHEESY. I thought it was cute at the time...

• How about that laughing and acting like I am the funniest person on earth? (Which I actually am one of the funniest people on earth...) I'm talking about the type of guy that uses it as a way to try to get laid. You know the grab your arms, look you in the eyes and laugh thing. Very Ethan Hawke. Very creepy. I've experienced that in several guys. John told me I was, "a regular Phyllis Diller." I told him that was not a compliment. He said it was because he remembered watching her on Laugh In as a little boy and loving her. A guy in college was very good at using the youaresofunnyIneedtofuckyou technique. Almost every guy I've "been with" has made some type of comment about humor being what attracted them to me. Hmmm....I may start being all black and never make a joke again. That shit has not been working for me. This will be my new look...

• How about the deep conversations about men, women, relationships and the meaning of life? Another big EW. That is so Ethan Hawke and so Spencer. I recently told my sister something Spencer did/said that I had never told her. It so horrified her, that she has brought it up 3 times since. It is too creepy to share on here (I've got standards). She keeps saying, "it just lets me know how sad you were at that time." (i.e. the Penelope she knows would have said "fuck you" and left.) In my defense, he lived about 30 minutes from me and I was tired. I slept and got up at 0545 to leave. Dillhole was all about the deep conversations that lasted for hours.
• That takes me to dressing like I'mtoocooltoworryabouthowIlook. Things I will no longer overlook:
• I'm not shaving on the weekends to give my skin a break. Well, Dickhead, when you don't shave it tears up my face and hurts down there (if I am so lucky for you to be one of the ones that actually performs cunnilingus after the first 6 months...).
• It is so hot in Florida. Shorts are more comfortable. (Even when going out to eat in a nice restaurant). Well, Jizzbag, I've gotten dressed up to go to dinner. We've got things called air conditioning and antiperspirant. I suggest you go find a pair of pants.
• I played golf all day. I'll have hat hair. I'm going to keep the cap on...Okay FuckStick, I'll go throw on a ball-cap too. Instead of Titleist, mine says, I date LOSERS. 

I think this picture I just found of Ethan sums it all up:

Meet Ryan Shawhughes. The nanny to Ethan and Uma's 2 kids back when they were married. Classy Ethan.