The Dream

I went to bed last night feeling good. I had purged all the memories. I made people laugh. Well,I had the CRAZIEST dream last night.

Sidebar--my guyfriend that lives in the Memphis area (let's call him "24) sent me a message that I should add lesbianism to my blog to "increase my readership."First let me reiterate that my goal is not to get tons of readers--it is to get it all out and to hopefully help others that are earlier in the process. 24 is a funny guy that I used to work with. He is very good looking (and he knows it). His goofiness tempers his good looks. He is married and he and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl from China a few years ago. Well, 24, this post is for you because it is the closest to lesbianism this blog will get to!

This is what 24 would look like if he were a cartoon:

The Dream:

I was at a really long table. Like the kind Henry VIII all fat and goutish would be sitting at the end gnawing on a turkey leg. My dinner companions were all the men I had known (you know what I mean). I decided if I mention a guy from greater than 20 years ago that he gets to keep his own name. This name changing thing is exhausting! Ironically, John was seated directly across from me. In the dream I had a bad headache (and I woke up with one). George was the college boyfriend that gave great neck rubs and could do cool things with acupressure for headaches. I asked him to rub my neck between courses and he obliged. By the way, everyone was the age they were when I dated them.Nice since a couple have not aged so good.Tim (the boyfriend during my new wave stage) had on eyeliner and more hair gunk than any woman (note to readers--never date a man that uses more hair care products than you do). He was from my London Victory Club days. I stopped seeing him when he gave me critical feedback on the foundation I was using at the time. My first husband was there (one moment, calculating...we were divorced in 1998. He earns a code name and it will be: Duke). He is English and one of my friends nicknamed him the Duke of Narcisse. Duke is quite fit.  We were married at the time when my Mom died. We went to England shortly after her death. I took some of her ashes with me and we scattered them at places she would have liked--by The Orient Express since she loved Agatha Christie, New Scotland Yard in London because she loved crime mysteries, Canterbury for the history and outside a really cool pub. For several years Duke would take pictures of the garden at Canterbury where we scattered her ashes. It was really thoughtful. He is now married to an English woman and they still live on St. Pete Beach. You may say, Penelope--why aren't you with Duke anymore? Let's just say we are better friends that spouses. The on again, off again guy that I had known since my Gainesville days was there. He earns a nickname because our history has spanned more that 20 years (he is the guy I rented the condo from). My sister used to refer to him as Dillhole. Dillhole didn't like strawberries. Can you say RED FLAG? Actually, there were many, many more Red Flags with Dillhole that go beyond the scope of this blog. My history with him is a whole other talk show that I don't even want to think about. Jimmy my high school boyfriend was at the table. I remember we had taken my older sister's copy of Our Bodies Ourselves and read everything on birth control. We went to the free clinic on Waldo Road in Gainesville so I could get on the pill. I was so afraid of the pelvic exam.  He asked the nurse if he could hold my hand during the exam. She said no. My blood pressure shot up after a couple of months on the pill and I had to go off. I got a diaphragm. Jimmy's Mom found it (I hid it at his house). She sat us down and explained that his little sister was a diaphragm baby and that she wanted me on a better form of birth control.    Hilarious. I thought she was going to yell at us. Instead we got counseling. He was also a cheater. He married one of my sister's classmates and lives in the area.    I hear he goes by "James" now. You may think there are tons of guys at the table but I have really been a serial monogamist. Spencer was there (from last year--took me to NYC). Thoughts on Spencer:  He was named after his Father and he had a dorky first name and a cool middle name. He chose to go by the dorky name.Weird. He is also is a huge Rays fan.Remember how I said sports mean nothing to me? He has season tickets to the Rays and I spent more time at baseball games than I care to admit. He took me to the first 2 World Series games.    I told him it was like giving a fine cabernet to a white zin drinker. This is all part of knowing what to look for in a mate. No more sports fanatics. I once read a book at a Houston Astros game with John and the boys. A fan got so upset with me. She told me I was a disgrace.I told her I was on a family trip and I was sorry that my quiet existence upset her so much. She was speechless. I am all over the place; back to the dream. It was one of those dreams that seems like it lasted all night.    My therapist and I had talked about dreams and working out resolutions. I woke up a couple of times (with a pounding head) and went back to sleep quickly to get this dream done! It all came to me. John sat there quietly across the table. He watched me get a neck rub, laugh with Jimmy, look at pictures with Duke and interact with all the old boyfriends. I felt nothing towards John. He was just there.

24--Sorry if you expected me to reveal some secret girlfriend! p.s. I had forgotten to program your new cell number and I sent a text to your old number.    I got a reply back from a lovely child that let me know he or she is 13 ("only 13") they said and that they got lots of calls and texts for you. I suggested he or she check with Mom or Dad and see about changing the number.Lord knows what kind of stuff that poor kid is getting that is meant for you!