Red Flags

Let me take a moment to discuss red flags.  Sometimes they are in your face (thus the color RED), other times they are subtle and they creep up on you when you are tossing and turning in bed thinking "why didn't I know he was a sociopath?"

Here are the red flags I have listed so far:

• He cheated on his first wife while his boys were 18 months and 3 years old.  3 toddlers!
• He worried about the hair on his back.  Don't get me started on the ManGroomer™!
• I didn't trust my gut when the nickname he had for me creeped me out (remember Dulcinea from Man from La Mancha?)

Let's talk about your gut (or my gut).  If there is anything that I have learned it is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.  Here are some things I didn't like, but I squashed them because he was so nice, so attentive, etc:

First background--how did we meet?  We worked at the same company.  I had known his name since he was one of the top salesmen in past years.  I knew him to say "hi" at meetings.  We had a national meeting in New Orleans.  A group of us went to Bourbon Street one night.  He was there at Razoos.  He bought me a drink.  We talked.  We danced.  He was cute and so "nice".  He made sure I got back to the hotel safe.  We continued to talk after the meeting and began to date long distance.

Okay, back to my gut.  Shit that bugged me in the beginning:

• He would call and leave a message.  If I didn't call back in 30 minutes he would call back again.  I told him I was busy and that he had to trust I would call him back when I had time.  Red Flag--I later found out this guy had zero work ethic.  He couldn't get that I actually worked and personal phone calls were something I did on a break. 
• He loved Las Vegas.  I later learned it was really a love of the craps tables.  Las Vegas is a shithole.  I like it for the first 2 hours after I land.  Take me to the pool or the spa.  I'll keep my money in my wallet thank you. Red Flag-hello, that is why there are all the "do you have a problem with gambling" billboards in Louisiana...
• First time I went to stay with him at the camp he had purchased all the toiletries I use--the Dove deodorant, the liquid soap I used, the same brand of face soap, even make-up.  It really creeped me.  I recall hiding in the bathroom and calling Sulie to tell her it freaked me out.  I also called my friend Birch.  He told me this guy is a "gentleman".  Birch now regrets that assessment because it was a Red Flag!
• We were at a LSU game and one of the wives mentioned the fact that John and Annie had been married twice.  He had never told me.  She also told me the reason he and Annie divorced was cheating.  I had asked him why they broke up.  They really partnered in raising the boys.  He said they just "grew apart."  Long white trash story short--I stewed and watched the first quarter.  I sipped my beer as I formulated my plan.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him I wanted him to take me to get my suitcase and to a hotel.  He was stunned.  We got to the car and I blasted him.  He said it wasn't important that he and Annie had been married twice (the first time they were in college and it was before the boys were born).  He told me he was embarrassed that he had cheated.  Said it wasn't like him.  He didn't want me to judge him. I packed my stuff, got a room at the Marriott and the only flight available was to Orlando.  I got Big John (the guy that always drove me to the airport) to pick me up at MCO for 100 bucks.  I cried and told him the story the whole way home.  Big John's words--"this guy has major commitment issues and you really need to think about whether you want a future with him or not."  Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Red.  Red who? Red Flag!