Ghosts from Christmas Past

On Christmas Eve I got a text from an area code that makes me nervous. I have only saved one number from that time in my life and it is Phil the Attorney (of the "his erections are no longer your concern" fame). 

It was from one of John's boys. One of the twins. I was SHOCKED to get a text from him. Their father (lower case intended) had told them there would be no money for college because of Penelope. Here it is:

Next, (I cut some of this off since it has all their names in it). He is white and I am green:

Some redundancy here--trying to take screen shots.

We always made apple pies on holidays. I had no idea what to talk to him about. I was (am) heartbroken that all 3 boys stopped talking to me because of their father. I  left it with the apple pie. I didn't know what else to say. I showed it to my niece the next day. She told me I left him hanging. So I wrote him a Christmas text. I'm green and he is white.:

I can't help but analyze--why is he reaching out now? Was he fishing to see if I had a boyfriend with the "whatd u get for xmas" question? In the text that I cut out I asked about his brothers and told him to tell them I asked about them and to say hello. I wondered if he told them he texted me. I wondered what they said. The little one (his twin--call him H) sent me some rough texts when things really fell apart when I had to take John back to court. His father told him I was trying to take his money. H believed his dad (which I understand). I took the high road. I didn't point out that they lived in a crappy 2 bedroom rental house before we were married and that they style of living increased dramatically when I came onto the scene. He just kept writing me texts saying, "I never thought u would do this." It sucked. I used to get really stuck in a circle of "don't they know I left tons of things there so the house would not seem different and they wouldn't suffer?, Do they know how I paid for most of their food and clothes at our house? I defended them when John wanted to ground them for every little thing? I read tons of books on being a good Step Parent and I went to a counselor just to get guidance on being a Step Mom?" 

But wait, that's not all! Sulie and I were driving back from our trip south. She turns to me and says, "I can't find my phone." I tell her I will get off at the next exit. I decided to go ahead and get gas. She finds her phone in a bag in the truck and runs into the store while I get gas. When she comes out she says, "That is David W. over there." David W. is a guy I dated for about 6 months back in 2000. He was one of the many maybethisonewillgetmymindoffofDillhole detours. David W. was coo-coo for Coco Puffs. He was really smart, fun to be around and as you got to know him his damage was crystal clear. He suffered a lot of abuse as a child and it was sad. He just dropped off the face of the earth. Left town. No call. No email. Wacko. This was after he spent the week before with me at the beach. He called me 6-9 months after he left. He said he had moved out of state and was seeing a doctor and he needed to call and apologize (obviously doing a 12 step program). He told me he was on medication and doing much better. My reply (and please note Dear Readers, I have done a lot of self work in these last 11 years) was "Crawl back under the rock you came from!" and I hung up. Shit, 11 years later and he's at the same Mobil station as me on the day after Christmas in some little Florida town. What are the chances? He was with a woman who looked older. I think he was about 5 years older than me. This woman looked older than 50. He didn't see me or Sulie. I drove around so I could see his tag. The car was from a town in Tampa Bay. How weird is that? I am all about signs. What does it all mean? Something about forgiveness? I hadn't thought about the rock comment in years. It was not a pleasant thing to remember about myself.

Not sure how to end this post other than I have been a writing fool tonight...