When Work Invades Your Dreams

I've had work nightmares for the last 3 nights.  I suspect it is the winding down of holiday vacation and my anxiety around a work thing that I will hear about this week. I am debating whether I should blog about that.

I always know I am really stressed when I have waitress dreams. 2 Nights ago I dreamt I was back at Chili's, but it was in not the 1980's. It was now. There I was, 45 years old in a Guess™ denim mini skirt, a red polo, white scrunchie socks and Reebok™ hi-tops. I was standing in front of the computer trying to enter the order. I couldn't find "well high ball". I asked a girl for help. She told me to study and laughed at me. I screamed "Fuck You! I worked her before you were born. Show me where the key for well high balls is!" She look scared and showed me the key. I had to get ice and carry it to the front. My back was killing me. I remembered how I used to pick it up without a problem. I went out to my station and all the tables were full. I didn't know table numbers or abbreviations for any of the food. I looked around and I was the oldest person there. It was horrible. I woke up with wet hair. 

My dream analysis: I'm worried about work and getting older.

The night before, I dreamt I was back in the pediatric ICU. That was probably my most stressful nursing job. Babies and kids get so sick and one wrong move can be disastrous. Ironically, it was my lowest paying nursing job ever. I got $14.34/hour with a $2.00 differential for working nights in the mid 90's. I repeatedly got yelled at by cardiac surgeons and one night an anesthesiologist pushed me  I learned a lot and that was when I decided that "doctor" does not equal God. Okay, back to the nightmare. Even though this was a pedi ICU, we also recovered adults from open heart surgery. It was because the hospital across the street did not have a certificate of need to do adult open hearts. It was stupid. In the same  night you could have a 70 year old woman next to a 7 day old baby. It was fucked because you would look at the monitor and see a heart rate of 60 on an adult which was okay and then the baby's heart rate was 150. Same with respirations. At 4 a.m. you had to be on your toes to not mix up the patients. A heart rate of 60 in a baby is BAD.  Again, back to the nightmare. I had gotten report and went in to see my first patient. The first thing you do (especially in ICU) is get to your patients and make sure their vitals are good (i.e. they are alive), the drips are running at the the right rate( and it is the right drug) and that the bitch before you didn't leave you with a near empty bag. I always made sure I got to everyone right away (lots of codes happen at change of shift). I once walked into a patient that I was told was breathing great and her O2 sats were 100%. I walked in and she was grey and not breathing. In my bad dream the first patient was planting jasmine around her bed. People, this was a fucked up dream. She was in the ground and asked me to help her digs holes. She even had one of those little shovels. I started digging and I realized that I had forgotten my stethoscope. I was really stressed out that I had forgotten it at home. I finally got out of the room and realized my other patient was on another floor (this would never happen in the real world). I ran up several flights of stairs and could not find the room. Nurses on other floors wouldn't help me. I saw a stethoscope on a chair. I stole it and kept running. I finally went outside and there was a 737 and I was told I had to get on it by a flight attendant. I said, "but I have patients!" She told me someone else would take care of them. I handed her the stolen stethoscope and go on the plane. I had on turquoise scrubs with the yellow drawstring (yellow strings were on the small scrub pants and back in the day we would proudly have the yellow string out to show that we were rocking the smalls).

My dream analysis: I am going on a flight to somewhere that will take me away from my worries. I will also be thin.

My dream last night was a combo. I was a waitress and a nurse. One of my old friends used to say I was a "Healthcare Waitress." It was funny, yet bitchy. I had ICU patients in a restaurant. There were ventilators and drips and monitors. You went up to the bar to get your I.V.s and meds. I can't remember what the kitchen did. There was even a hostess. It was FUCKED.

My dream analysis: I am wacked. And stressed.