Out With The Old

It's that time... New Year's Resolutions. I'm not going to get all crazy. Just a few simple, attainable goals. 

Out with:

• AssClowns
• ManGroomers™
• RMFFs™
• Drinking Coke (I mean it this time)
• Eating out all the time

In With:

• Loving what I do for work
• Buying food and cooking it
• Walking Daisy TWICE a day
• A New Hair Dresser
• Trusting my Gut

Let's take about coke. Coca-Cola®. The Real Thing. On Christmas day I went with my sister to visit my niece and nephews.  We got a room at the Sheraton Four Points (I was able to bring Daisy--yes, I AM that person). My sister brought along a 12 pack of coke. She filled the ice bucket and put the 12 pack of coke on the top shelf in the armoire. My niece came over after the boys went to sleep. We were enjoying some vino. I needed to take Daisy out. I opened the armoire to grab a bag. I was assaulted  by coke cans. First, one to the right temple, then the left cheek. At first I thought I was being shot. I dropped to the floor. I kept getting hit. One to the shoulder. Cans bounced on the tile floor as coke exploded everywhere. I saw black. My niece Jackie said I muttered, "What is happening to me?" and then I realized my sister had pulled the flap off the front of the 12 pack. I then said, "Don't ever do this again." I ran towards the other side of the room as Jackie was bent over almost peeing herself as she laughed. My sister was horrified. It was so funny that I couldn't yell at her. We assessed the damage. Coke was all over the closest bed in weird bubbles. The mirror was covered as was the tile in the entryway. We grabbed towels and started cleaning. My sister and niece told me to take Daisy out while they cleaned. When I got back my niece took me over to the bed and instructed me to watch. She said in a weird Russian accent, "Co-Cola, no Co-Cola" as she wiped the beaded up bubbles of Coke. That duvet cover was made of Kryptonite. My sister googled the duvet cover on the hotel website. (You can buy one for $260 if interested...and it's 100% polyester, not Kryptonite). Let's get back to the Co-Cola. Do you know that shit ETCHED the mirror? This was a brand new hotel. It was on the mirror for only a few minutes. Think what that shit does to your teeth and gut. I think every school age kid should have to our Coke on a mirror and she what happens.

You know when you're in a hotel and you're staring at the ceiling and you see one lone brown spot? If you are like me you say, "how in the hell did that get up there?" Now you know.