Et Tu, Brut?

Cesar Milan. People either love him or hate him. Sulie and I listened to the beginning of Cesar's Way in the car on Friday. I couldn't get past a prime opportunity to make fun of his accent and how arrogant he sounded. I kept talking over him saying things in a Mexican accent like, "I am so fabulous" at the end of his sentences. I'm not sure why my sister didn't pimp slap me. His focus is on the pack leader and discipline. I get it, but it still cracks me up. He talks about how he mixes the dogs' food up with his hands so his scent will be on the food (to show the dogs who is BOSS). This morning I am going to pour Daisy's food in her bowl and have May stick her paws in it to show that she is the Alpha Kitty!

 I like to call this...Why the fuck are you doing this to me and when is she leaving?

Back to Cesar and his wisdom. His famous tag line is: Exercise. Discipline. Affection. Well let me take you through yesterday and see how I did.

• Daisy and I slept until 11. The only reason she got up was because I told her she had to get up and pee (in a nice voice I asked...like she knew what I was saying).
• I talked to her in baby talk and sang songs to her about my undying love for her while doing weird voices to my cats that they too, were equally important.
• I poured food in her bowl and watched her sniff it and give me the "I would much rather have one of those kick ass treats you keep up there in that jar" look. I gave her a treat, but only after she did the sit and down thing that is so cute.
• It was walk time--Daisy jumps 3 feet in the air with the "Oh my GOD I get to go out, hurry up, must go pee in every yard now!" way about her.
• We walk. Rephrase, Daisy runs ahead as I try to keep her at my side.
• We get back home after a satisfying walk that consisted of smelling other neighbor dogs' butts, barking at cats and leaving her mark within a half mile radius.

I decided I would give Cesar another chance, but I would read him. I skipped the first (I am so fabulous autobiography) chapter and moved on to the meat of the book. Let's just put it this way...if Cesar witnessed yesterday, I think he would have stroked. I had it all wrong. According to him the day should have looked like this:

• Wake up at 0530. Get Daisy up.
• Go for a walk with a small backpack strapped to Daisy for complete workout. Never allow Daisy to walk ahead of me. I am the Pack Leader!
• Return home for food. Make sure to put my hands all in her food so she knows I am the Pack Leader!
• All discipline will be conveyed by Calm-Assertive energy. I will channel Oprah and Daisy will feel it.
• Daisy will be appropriately exhausted from the walk, she will have eaten the food with my I AM THE PACK LEADER scent in it...now I can pet her.