Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Channeling Suzanne Somers


I've become Chrissy (was that her name on Three's Company?). I just counted and I take 17 pills in the morning. It may be in vain, but I want to look like Suzanne Somers when I'm 100 (or however old she is)...

  • Vitamin C
  • Vitamin D3
  • Calcium/Magnesium (2)
  • Zinc
  • Woman's Multi
  • B-Complex
  • Crestor
  • Toprol XL
  • Co-Q 10
  • Omega
  • Probiotic
  • L-Glutamine
  • L-Theanine
  • Digestive Enzymes (2)
  • Baby Aspirin (1)
It used to be just the Toprol for high blood pressure and the Crestor for cholesterol. Then I added Omegas and Co-Q 10 to counteract the negative effects of the Crestor. I realized I felt tired a lot of the time, so I decided to add a multivitamin and a B complex. My pee wasn't yellow enough, so I added Vitamin C , D3, Zinc  and Cal/Mag after reading that they make a big difference in mood. My friend used to sell supplements for a big company and she got me things cheap. She reminded me that I need to take a Probiotic and Digestive Enzymes.  I just added the L-Glutamine to (supposedly) help control sugar cravings. I read a lot about this stuff--one book said it also gets rid of alcohol craving. I don't know that I crave alcohol, but Lawd knows I don't say no to a glass of wine. I did take a sip of my margarita at the movies yesterday and I wanted to hurl. I handed it over to my sister. L-Theanine is the amino acid found in green tea and is thought to have a calming effect. I am happy to add a bit a calm to my day. The baby aspirin is because of my shitty family cardiac history. This is also a weight loss measure--I'm not hungry by the time I swallow all 17 pills.

Penelope Disclaimer--this is what I do and I am in NO WAY suggesting others should do the same. There are a lot of wacky websites on supplements and I just know they are set up by Bob Scratching His Balls in Some Basement. I have an appointment at the gyn today. I always let my doctors know when I add a supplement. When I called to make the appointment I was on hold. The recording described the vaginal rejuvenation surgeries that she does. Again with the dejuvenated vag? She better keep her scalpel away from my hooey.

Penelope Out.

1 comment:

  1. These posts are fonts of endless knowledge. Vaginal rejuvenation? I had to look it up and there is a Dr in LA who does that and hymen restoration. Dwell on that thought for a bit...
    The doc had the last name of Matlock and all I could think about was Andy Griffith in his white suit coming near someone's falling out-saggy-hymenless-in desperate-need-of-rejuvenation-untamed-vagina, asking for a "good cracker, Ritz cracker" and I got the creeps....thanks, Penelope for making sure each day has a bright spot in it. Maybe my imagination is too warped and I need to up the number of pills I take?

    ReplyDelete

Hi. I moderate the comments--if you just want the comment for my eyes only let me know. Also, there is a drop down and you can select "anonymous." Thanks!