Isn't it crazy how the mind works? I had a conversation with my friend about guys in uniform. I said it does nothing for me. She said it was hot. I go to the store and I see a bunch of guys in fatigues with Navy on the front. I thought "ugh". A couple of them had wedding bands on. One of them gave me the once over and smiled. I stared back at him with a blank look. I thought you are all probably a bunch of liars and cheaters. It was a gross generalization on my part that all men in the military are liars and cheats. Then I started thinking they don't need a uniform. Maybe it is all men are liars and cheats. I think we all know where that came from!
I came home and thought about sending off a cheerly little holiday email. I figured I could cut and paste and tailor it for the respective recipients--something like:
Merry Christmas Fuckwad, (this greeting works for all)
I wonder if your (wife, girlfriend, mistress) has figured out that you are a liar.
How does it feel when you look at your (sons, daughter, baby)?
I still think you are a piece of shit.
Love,
Penelope
Fortunately I have deleted the email addresses of all the AssClowns worthy of receiving that email.
I decided to turn that frown upside down and thought about who I could write a nice note to instead of a venom filled, wacko email:
- Mr. B.-- My 10th grade English Lit teacher that came and looked for me when I ran away from home after my Mom found my birth control pills and called me a slut.
- Judy--The lady that worked at the answering service with me when I was 18. She gave me $20 when I was really broke and had no money for groceries. I heard she had a stroke a few years ago.
- Cleopatra--The lady that used to help my Mom when we were little. She would read me stories. I never understood why the stories were different every time when she read them to me. I realized later she was illiterate and she made up stores according to the pictures in the books. When my father died my Mom found a sympathy card in our mailbox with no address or stamp. Inside it just had a single "X". It was from Cleopatra.
- Miss Addison--The best 1st grade teacher ever!
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