I've been a bit edgy this weekend. Okay...I have been really pissed off all weekend. Not at anything in particular. I pretty much hate everything. I know "hate" is a strong word. I don't mean hate Hate. I mean a generalized I just want to kick things things kind of hate. I know I'm not the only one in the world that gets this way. My friends tell me they get that way. Maybe haters all flock together and normal, calm people don't get this way. Fuck them. I sure don't like the time I waste on running old crap through my mind. I just got into the cool tub (that would be the hot tub with the heat turned off) and my mind started to wander. See if you can follow this convoluted path of angry feelings...
- Looked at sky. Thought, "it's a nice night. Things are good. Stop being pissy..."
- Thought this is a big hot tub, how many people would fit in here?
- Wondered what guy has been in here last?
- The answer was Joe-SOB.
- Thought about one of the times he came over and he said he would stop and pick me up a sandwich at Subway. There is one at the end of my road. He came empty handed. Said he couldn't find it. It made me think of a story I read in Vanity Fair about Tiger Woods buying one of his floozies a sandwich. A Tiger Woods Perkin's waitress gets a sandwich but I don't? That reminded me of...
- I met SOB in New Mexico. We went to dinner. I fucking flew to New Mexico and he splits the dinner bill with me. In retrospect I realize he was most likely on a budget since he was married and had a baby. UGH. Thought about sending him an email saying Happy father's Day. Note lower case "f".
- Then I got mad at myself for even bothering with SOB. Was I that bored? Or scared?
- Then I got mad that I was mad. That made me even madder.
- Then I looked at Daisy sitting on the lounge chair sniffing the air.
I wasn't mad no more.
I run that chain all the time. I go from feeling fine, and then one thing brings up memories, a song maybe, or a part in a movie, a line in a book, then the anger and resentment start building.
ReplyDeleteI need a "Daisy" in my life I think.
Yes you do...
ReplyDeleteI can build up steam that way too. I think, and stew and think about what I would say to whom, etc. It happened more when I was working, but it still happens now and again. You need a hug. And maybe some time at the beach.
ReplyDeleteSulie and Penelope...if you hear of a Daisy needing rescue please let me know. I have actually been wanting a dog for awhile, but I am more of a "man dog" type so looking for something a bit bigger ... but still young enough to train.
ReplyDelete