Dillhole Part I

I often get emails from folks that read the blog--most of them are strangers. I get some emails with stories that make John look like a saint. I got one last week that has haunted me. I don't feel comfortable sharing the details since it is not my story and I don't know her personally. I had an early morning and I had to drive 3 hours to Naples for work. I kept thinking about the email from the blog reader. This woman really tried to make it work with a man that sounded incapable of a relationship. I've been that woman. As I drove down I-75 to Naples, I thought about all the years I spent in a relationship with a man that treated me like I didn't matter. Last week one of my friends asked me, "why don't you explain who Dillhole is?" (we became friends post Dillhole, so she didn't know the history). When I reflect on my relationship history it's like piecing together a mystery. 

I met Dillhole in Gainesville in 1987. He was a friend of a guy I worked with who eventually became my boyfriend. The first time I met Dillhole we fought. I was at a party at their house (they were also roommates). He was standing by the fireplace. Cute. Drunk. Arrogant. I can't remember the conversation, but I remember calling him a dick. We would cross paths several times over the next few years. He came to Boulder to visit when I lived there with my then boyfriend. We rented a condo and all went skiing. I remember thinking, "he is still a dick." He always had a cold side to him. We moved back to Tampa in 1990 and I went to nursing school. Dillhole also lived in Tampa got married to his college sweetheart. The guys were not a fan. Ironically, she has the same name as me. She came from a wealthy family and had that "way" about her. She was not very interesting and tedious to be around. She was also overweight. It wasn't so much that she was overweight--she had the personality to match the weight. Not very motivated. It was one of those situations that everyone questioned the attraction. After they were married we would get together to do couples things and it was painful. She bored me to tears. I recall her explaining to me at length why she felt she deserved to be able to buy $40 shampoo (this was 20 years ago). Ugh.

Fast forward to 1994. I was no longer with that boyfriend. I had dated the Bald Headed Bastard afterwards (I shall blog about him later). BHB and I had broken up and I saw Dillhole out one night. We sat and talked and had a good time. He was kinda funny and I always thought he was cute. I didn't see a ring and he didn't talk about his wife. We exchanged numbers. He called me a week later and asked me to a movie. I met him. It ended up he was still married. Penelope (recall--same name) lived in Gainesville during the week for work and would come home on the weekends. It was weird. We didn't talk about their relationship. He counseled me on dating and seemed to live vicariously through my stories of going out with my friends and guys. I worked as an ICU nurse and had a great job. I worked two 12 hour shifts on the weekend and got paid for 36 hours. It was great. I went to the beach a lot, read tons of books and hung out with friends.

Remember the night of OJ and the white Ford Bronco cop chase? I had met Dillhole out and we were watching the whole thing on the bar T.V. It got late and he invited me to his place to go swimming. I went. He gave me a t-shirt and boxers to wear. We got into the pool and within minutes it was all over. Penelope don't kiss and tell so that will be the extent of details. Okay, it involved being carried inside and staying up all night. I had to be at work at 0700 and be a nurse. It was ugly. He called me at work around 2 in the afternoon and told me he was physically ill over the whole thing. He said he loved his wife and it would never happen again. I told him I agreed. It was so long ago that I don't recall the exact day of the week,  but he called me early the next week and we started to see each other every day. My life became all about Dillhole. It was bad. Very bad. We would meet in the morning, meet for lunch, meet for drinks, meet for dinner out, make dinner in, we would watch movies together--he became a big part of my life. I am fuzzy on when it happened but the "I love yous" started. My life became secretive. It was like being a junkie. I couldn't tell anyone about him. Only Sulie knew. Later, I told my friend Betty. I had a big circle of friends that thought I was single. His wife would be gone all week and come home on Saturday and head back to Gainesville on Sunday. He started to share with me the issues they had. It eased my guilt. I rationalized that he was good guy that married the wrong person. None of his friends liked her, right?

This started in June and in the following November Dillhole called me and said he wanted to come over. He told me his wife was moving back to Tampa and that he was going to try to make it work with her. I had the calm exterior (I'm a good actress). Inside I was devastated. I remember one night when he was at my apartment. He was in my bed and he said, "I need to make a call." He called his wife in Gainesville to tell her goodnight from my home phone! He actually said, "I love you too" while he was naked and post coital in MY bed. I remember thinking to myself, "what the hell am I doing?"

She moved back and the holidays were upon us. I think I have blocked most of it out, but I vaguely recall staying in bed and watching lots of movies. The guy at Blockbuster knew me and started making recommendations of movies he thought I would like. Sulie and I drove to Asheville for Thanksgiving. I don't remember it, but she recalls me telling her (as we were driving up the Interstate) that I knew things were going to work out with me and Dillhole. I think that is when Sulie gave him the name Dillhole. It was when Beavis and Butthead was popular. Dillhole was not a kind nickname. It stuck...

To be continued...