Victor's Secret

I got an email a few days ago that I could not get out of my mind. As I have told you guys before, I get emails from readers that I don't know. Lots of them tell me their stories and they often resemble the horrors of John. I asked if I could post her email. I wanted to do this so readers could see that they are not alone. I know that one of my biggest fears was that I was the only one that was conned by a pathological, cheating liar. There were times I would delete posts because I was afraid to admit that I was with such a creep. The writer said she has asked herself and her friends the question, "Why do smart, well educated women with good jobs make stupid ass man choices?" Girl, hell if I know!

Let's call this writer Jane. If she was a cartoon, she would look like this:

I haven't met Jane ,but I envision her being strong and counting down the days until she completely gets Victor (you'll see why I call him Victor) out of her life.

I need to say "thank you" from the bottom of my trod upon, mangled, desecrated hole riddled heart for your blog.  I found it, and read every piece.  I felt your pain in so many ways, and admire your bravery for putting your thoughts out there for us to see. What you have done is awesome. I am in the process of removing a lying, cheating, conniving, putrid bastard from my life...and people in this situation should be assigned your blog as part of our therapy.  You did more for me than three readings of the book, "Boundaries"  because you have shown me there is light at the end of my tunnel, and you did it with humor and a sarcastic edge which I possess myself and find so underappreciated in the "real world".  In short, I was there as you told your story.  Mine is not so different.  Found a text on my husband's phone from a "friend" -- had only been married a year (2nd time around relationship for he/I as we dated years ago and met up again after both divorced others) so worked on it.  Bought a ridiculously expensive house, moved in with my son (not from this husband) came home from work early one day, hubby supposed to be at work, but sitting around in my new bra and panties, dealt with that, went to some counseling, hubby had some other friends, I went to a meeting at Panera, and saw him cozy in the corner with a much younger woman, and no, I did not toss my Earl Grey on him as much as I wanted to, I merely strolled up to them, and said, "fancy seeing you here" -- and he had the nerve to tell me I should have ignored them as I ruined his potential relationship!! Idiot.  This was 2 days after my birthday and less than a month after my dad died. A few weeks later, found out he was out of town for the weekend with another woman, and on 12/31/2007 went to dinner and gave him a triplicate copy, bulleted list on "what he had to do to fix this" as I had been subjected to his apologies and tears, etc.  So, again...we work on it, he still has girlfriends, he loses his job, I support us, he still wears and ruins my underwear (that really pissed me off....my bra size is hard to find) he has more girlfriends and lo and behold...this past December --- a week before his birthday, and 2 weeks before our 7th anniversary --- I leave my house that I helped design.  He cries, and begs me to come back....we try talking...and 2 weeks after I have left I go there to get my son's soccer cleats, and there is a woman in my house!  Well, I should work for the FBI instead of social services because I tracked her down and all it took was a phone call from me to set her straight.  He told her he was divorced, etc.  She was a young mom with a baby!  She deserved the truth. He gets mad.  Then he asks to work on it, and I say no...I really hate him at this point, the complete lack of respect for me is mind boggling.  Well since January when this happened, he got another young single mom pregnant (April) (she did not have the baby, but he would no
 t deal with her and wanted me to be his go between)  Is dating the lady from our eyeglass place, (May) and I was the original customer! (Got an appt coming up too, might have to drop a few hints)  Picked up a nurse (sorry) at 80s night (Memorial Day)....and is seeing her and she too has been in my house until I scared him on that score.  She used my pots and pans.  NOT good.  I still am on the mortgage he is not paying, as he did not have a job until a few weeks ago. Now, he is your typical stereotype of a computer network administrator -- shorter than most men, kind of nerdy (think astronomy and Star Trek fan) so ow he is getting all these "girl friends" is amazing to me.  We are at a stalemate as I know I will have to pay for the divorce and that irks me.  I have to pay for the divorce and he is the cheater???  Whew...sorry to vent that...but, you helped immensely.  I am finished with him.  But even now he sends pathetic texts....he only did what he felt was right in his h
 eart (your heart says it's okay to prance aound in my clothes and undies and have secret, undisclosed female "friends"??)  and wants to work on this, boo-hoo. He does not understand why I am so "mean" and "cold" and "unforgiving".  I cannot tell you the roller coaster I have been on for the past few years, and tonight, I have been sitting here feeling oh-so-sorry-mad-hateful-sad-for-myself (my boy is on vacation with his dad) and I found your blog, and --- a simple thanks is all I can give.  I will be an avid reader from here on out.   Thanks again.  I needed that tonight.