Taxi Cab Confessions

I made a reference to a cab driver in my last post and I feel the need to do a Penelope Public Service Announcement™related to taxis. Here goes:

• Always call the hotel before you fly and find out the fare from the airport to the hotel. 9 times out of 10 the fuckwad cab driver will try to overcharge you. Some will not run the meter and tell you it's a flat rate that is much higher than the fare would be.
• ALWAYS check that there is a cab number, a radio, a meter and some type of driver identification in clear view. I once got into a cab late at night in Knoxville and didn't realize there was no radio, meter, I.D. until I was in the dark on the interstate wondering if I was going to end up in little pieces scattered over the Blue Ridge Mountains. That is another post for a night when I have more time to type.
• Be strong when they tell you they need cash for gas or give you a sob story that they have to pay a fee for the credit card. I always calmly tell them I am traveling on business and I am required to use my credit card when I enter the cab. I hear one complaint or whine and I move to the next cab.
• Never give them your phone number when they ask for the credit card receipt. I always give an old boyfriend's number...
• If you are getting a cab to or from your home be sure to reference your husband being too busy to drive you. I've had several say, "oh that's a nice house you have--do you live alone?" Mr. Imaginary Penelope comes out for that question.
• Don't take a cab in New Orleans. Get a car service. It is worth the extra money. Those guys in the black suburbans are assholes, thieves and they drive like shit. Chicago is almost as bad.
• In Tampa never use Yellow cab. Use Cab Plus (more $ but worth it) or United.
• Always have your cell phone charged and ready. I just read where a cab driver locked the doors when a woman disputed his charge, She ended up calling the police and he was arrested. I've had drivers hold my credit card and not give it to me as they watched to see what I would write for the tip after we've battled about them wanting cash. Penelope don't play. I told one a few years ago that I would call the police if he didn't hand me back my AMEX.
• If you are in the same town for a few days and you get a good driver...get his or her card and use them the whole time. They usually give you ideas of where to go, cut you deal and you are SAFE!
• If they are driving erratically (San Francisco drivers for example) and you feel unsafe just calmly tell them you would like to get out at an earlier stop. I've found saying, "slow down" or "your driving is making me nervous" usually irritates them. I've done some of my best acting in a cab, "oh, I realize on need to stay in Nob Hill. That corner over there is perfect".
• In the end...if you look at the driver and you don't get a good vibe, ask for another cab.