My friend JCH sent this to me after he read the Emotional Procrastination post. It reminds me of a phrase my first husband used to use--"Better the devil you know." You may think this is a bit weird, but I used to talk to him about Dillhole. My ex-husband (#1, the nice one, the one I am still friends with) had quite an opinion about Dillhole. I remember when I was dating husband #1 (known as Duke on the blog), we were in the shower talking about past relationships. He said, "I don't understand why you are single. You're so together and fun." I told him about the on/off/on/off thing with Dillhole. He couldn't understand that I had spent so much time waiting for this guy. Sadly, I ended up back with Dillhole after my divorce (better the DEVIL you know). Duke tried to reason with me. He encouraged me to date others. I can't tell you how many phone conversations I had with Duke where he tried to reason with me.
So here is a page from a business related book on what the author refers to as "Presentism". This is a concept directed to job search but I agree with JCH that it can be applied to other ways of designing your future whether it is career relationship, etc. If you click on the picture it should get bigger where so it will be easier to read...
So, when I (we) stay in something could it be that we think that is all there is? A lot of what I have worked on both personally and publicly (under the trusty protection of a cartoon picture and alias) is changing my beliefs. Based on my experiences, I had developed the belief that " All Men Cheat". It has been a lot of work changing this belief. I had to adjust what I would see. Every day I hear a minimum of one story of infidelity. It can be from friends, from customers, the news (Tiger Woods anyone?), T.V. shows--my point is that cheating can be in your face everyday. I get heartbreaking emails from blog readers. I love when the writers (both women and men) tell me they feel like they have hope after reading my crazy ass stories. I love that! Many of the emails make John look like a saint.
I choose what I am going to surround myself to in relation to cheating and my core beliefs. I refuse to believe that all men are pigs. That is why I look for the "Marias" in my day to day life. Last week I had a doctor appointment for a check up. I saw a lovely couple in my doctor's office. They were in their 60's and holding hands (you know me and holding hands...) I started to talk to the wife and she told me about their marriage. She got tears in her eyes when she told me about how much she loved him. I started to tear up just talking to her. I think that every day there is a t least one if not several "Marias" to show me that there is good out there. Soooooooo...what I'm saying is: I choose to imagine good and stop avoiding.
I don't know if I accidentally sent the last one incomplete, so I will rehash a bit.
ReplyDeleteThis is from "The L:eap" by Rick Smith and can be found at www.leapbuilder.com. He goes indepth with the fearing the future idea.
I found it funny that a phrase I used that my grandparents used to say Peneolpoe recognized. They use to say though:
"Chi lascia la strada vecchia per la nuova sa quel che lascia, ma non sa quel che trova."
which literally means "he who left the street for the new one knows what he left but not what he'll find" which also can mean "better the devil you know than the one you don't".
Sorry if my Italian is a little rusty. :)
I didn't get that one before JCH. Some others have told me they comment and I don't always get them. It may be when you do it from the phone. I just did that post at Panera. Some of the old guys tried to look at what I was typing. Luckily that was a benign post. I don't need to be doing CPR!
ReplyDeletePenelope...this is one of your best entries yet. I must say that I know exactly what is meant by Presentism. Like relationships, career and the CPA (did I give myself away?)...we are stuck in the present. Thank you Lope and thank you JCH for the information.
ReplyDeleteSulie L. Collins