Silly String

Remember that stuff Silly String™ when we were little? I always wanted some but my Mom wouldn't buy it. Let's talk about strings...

I waved goodnight to Sulie as my stomach churned. How could I be so stupid? In my efforts to remain "no strings", I ended up being lax in watching for red flags. I reasoned that I didn't need to. This wasn't a relationship. This guy had been devastated by his ex wife and he knew what I had been through. This was safe in a distant way (or so I thought). I googled him in the beginning. I didn't realize I needed to do a monthly background check.

Back to strings. The term "no-strings" to be exact. Here is a cut and paste from my friend L. She is about 10 years older than me and very wise.

You know, I’m looking at this from a distance and in hind sight.  And nothing I say here is meant as a judgment in any sense.  Lord knows I’ve been there and done that and very few do I regret.  With that said I’ll move on.

I think this entire situation can be chalked up to a very tired and worn label…….Mars vs Venus.

A man’s definition of ‘no strings’ is a prostitute for free.  I don’t believe any further explanation is necessary here.

A woman’s definition of ‘no strings’ is a prostitute for barter.  While there is no expectation of an emotional commitment there are rules and strings.  Honesty, reasonable communication, sharing small pieces of yourself, respect, advance notice, etc. are strings to a man but an expectation for a woman; it is the barter piece.  And ‘no marriage license’ is a definite rule.  When a woman says no strings it really means good, easy sex as long as her partner is honest, sharing, respectful, etc.  I know very few women who can walk away from a good romp with a ‘gee, that was nice’ and not remember his name or what he looked like or wanting a little bit more than just his dick.  Flashing back to ‘Fear of Flying’ by Erica Jong, I believe it was called the ‘zipless fuck’.  All very nice in theory but rare for a woman in practice.  Woman think about it and thinking negates no strings.   HE heard one thing but SHE said something else.

As long as you care and need things like honesty and communication you cannot truly ever have a no strings encounter because you will continually change the rules midterm.  However, he gave you exactly his definition of no strings.  If you really do not want a repeat of this scenario then you have to change your behavior and/or be quite clear of your definitions and expectations.  Maybe try liking someone a little stronger and the wanting more is the sex; not the other way around.  Unfortunately, this usually means giving up sex with a partner for a period of time.  Hell, I did it for almost 3 years and it was no fun at all.

My opinion for what it’s worth.

L is very straight and to the point. Please don't think she is being harsh. She speaks the true. This is part of why I was afraid to blog about this. I had broken my cardinal rule--watching for Red Flags!!! In my defense, I trusted this guy. You may say out loud, "WTF, Penelope?" He was kind. I think I felt like his position in the Navy also meant he could be trusted. He talked to me on Sunday night about my blog post about holding hands. He was so encouraging. This was the kind of guy that would not intentionally hurt a woman. I let me fear of being hurt (i.e. being in a real relationship) cloud my judgment. Big mistake.

So a few posts back when I posed the question if women could fuck like men? I am still undecided. If SOB was not fucking MARRIED I would have gone on my way happy to hear from him every once in a while. Now I have this nasty dirty feeling about the whole thing. I didn't moon over this guy after I would see him. On Sunday night we talked about a couple of things life related where I thought to myself (Ew, I could never like you, like you). Not physically--I am talking about just the general way of viewing life.

So, thanks to his self created chaos, this went from no-strings to Silly String.

More in a bit. This shit drains me...