License to Lie?

I started to cut and paste his response, but I stopped myself. I shared it with my close friends. He answered the why me question-- because I was "smart and attractive with no connections." He never said he loved his wife. He only said, "she is a good person". He didn't answer about kids (I'll take that as a yes). He said he was disease free and it did cross his mind that I may find out. All that and a lame "I'm truly sorry" at the end. As my friend L said: Quite frankly his email didn’t say a damn thing; not even a sincere apology.  He could have edited the whole thing down to ‘oh well, busted’.

There was also some explanations related to how he has conducted himself. Escaping life by immersing himself in work, yada, yada. Not the same person I used to be. In the end it sounded like he was trying to say he was justified in lying.

So I have done the 48 hour purge. I just spewed it all out here for all to see. I have beat myself up because I wasn't more observant. I have wondered why I am so afraid of a real relationship?

I sent Duke (first husband) an email yesterday asking if all men are pigs. He called me today and I told him the story. Imagine a south London accent--

"Right, I got your email" (I explain story quickly). "Right, well you file this one away in the back drawer, right? You move on." I said I wanted to believe there are good people out there. "Right, you don't want to become bitter, do you? That wouldn't be good, would it? No, that would be no good, at the end of the day....(I don't recall exact quotes but something to the effect of he's wanker, move on).

My lovely friend "Ali" wrote me this-we were training managers together. I love how she looks at this from a learning perspective:

I applaud your honesty and willingness to share this moment in your life.  This is meant to be one of those "teachable moments", I guess, as bad as it sucks.  I know I've learned from it.  Mostly, when we hold certain values important in our friends, etc., it can be painful, but we need to pay attention to the red flags, no matter how convenient it is to look away.  Like you said, he isn't a big player in your life, you weren't looking for a soul mate...but why should a friend / acquaitance, etc., be held to any lower standard than we would have for anyone else we chose to associate with. We should surround ourselves with those we value and hopefully would reflect ourselves to be.  I will now pay better attention to the flags.  To all I associate with.  (No SOBs in my life, but you know what I mean! haha)  Thanks for sharing.  We are all going to be better "observers" to what is going on around us (sometimes in front of our eyes), even when it isn't convenient!  I'm just sorry that you were hurt in the process.  That sucks.

So, I had a hiccup in my road to recovery. It could have been much worse. I went out tonight and I flirted with a boy and had fun with my team. I didn't feel the need to get on Amazon and order fish sticks to be delivered to SOB. I realize that someone's inner demons are enough. No words or actions on my part will make him realize what a callous ass he is. 

JCH just wrote this:

I am also wondering, and remember that I am thinking like a guy here so if I am off base please forgive me, whether his new bride of one year should know what she married. Does she deserve to not be made aware. She may be a wonderful person who is being sucked in as well. So tell me, as a woman, if someone knew this about someone you were married to, would you want to know or remain in the dark? 

JCH has a point that I discussed earlier today with Sulie and Polly. One of my quotes to SOB was that I did not want his self created chaos to touch me. I don't care enough or have the energy to call or write this poor woman. She is on her journey, just as I am on mine. The shit will eventually blow up on him. I will not be the one to hit the switch. If this was a friend I would definitely tell her. This woman (and her husband) are strangers (both to me and to each other...)

You know what's funny? Prior to this, I never spoke his name or shared any email or much that he said with a soul. Only Sulie knew his full name. I am really private (until you fuck with me then I turn your ass into a cartoon and blog about you)!

For my peeps that watch South Park--I know you recognize Wendy and you can hear her saying, "Don't FUCK with me!"

Penelope disclaimer: I am not a victim and I realize I have some ownership in this. Being trusting is not a bad trait. I have opportunities for improvement in choosing who to trust!

Okay, I am officially done with this shit. Knock, knock. Who's there? Red. Red who? RED MUTHA FUCKIN FLAG!