Tampa folks know it well. For you out of towners...Gasparilla is like Mardi Gras with Pirates. Jose Gaspar storming Tampa Bay. Krewes, beads, flashing boobs and alcohol. I have lived in the South Tampa area off and on for more than 20 years. I spoke to my ex husband yesterday (#1--the nice one: Duke). We laughed about when we lived in an apartment on Bayshore (in the thick of it) back in the 90s. We had people asking us for ice and to use our toilet. Penelope was a more angrier girl back then. Actually Penelope the cat was alive back then. She hated Gasparilla too-the noise scared her. I have hazy memories of telling them all to fuck off. Years later, I owned a condo on Willow. My next door neighbor (an attorney for the Dept of Justice) and I watched as people did lines off our mailbox. Now I live in a house where I get to watch people search for parking spaces in the street. Last year I had to ask a man to stop stepping on my plants. Okay, there is your Gasparilla backgrounder according to Penelope. Folks that don't live here love it. Cherry came down from Jacksonville and had a great time. She sent me a text with a quote on a sign from folks that were protesting Gasparilla--"Party in hell cancelled due to Fire!". (There was talk of rescheduling Gasparilla due tot he bad weather). My friends that live in North Tampa have posted all kinds of pictures of the fun they had. I escaped and got in the car yesterday and went to Orlando to meet a friend for lunch and asked my neighbors to keep people from peeing in my yard! This picture is mild--usually they just whip it out. I think this is the condos on Rome and Morrison...
Okay--newest reason to hate Gasparilla. Recall the friend that is getting ready to "do it" for the first time with her new guy. I counseled her on bush management along with Boys #1-6 and their candid opinions on LadyScaping. Last night was THE night. As I drove to Orlando, I dialed her number to offer words of encouragement. I got her voicemail, so I did my best Rod Stewart signing,Tonight's the Night, Sing it with me--disconnect the telephone wiireee, relax babeeee, enjoy that Fire! I screeched "Tonight's the Night!" while cackling on her voicemail. I smiled thinking of the fun she had in store. The guy she is dating works in law enforcement. This morning I get this text:
Sad but true. No police here last night. Stuck on Howard with
Gasparilla assholes till the wee hours. By the time he could have come
we decided to save it for a better, off duty night. So, I had a
practice shave, tweeze, tan and my house is spotless. I also have a
really nice playlist ready to use.
Thank you for caring about my foray back to being an adult. Now, back
to sleep (no kid, no parents. Ahhhh)
XO
I fucking HATE Gasparilla...
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