I had a conversation about this today with Polly and Sulie. When someone does something really shitty does it make them a "bad" person? For example, how John conducted himself. Is he evil? Is he bad? He is an extreme example because he obviously has deep problems (I am not being sarcastic. I truly believe he is damaged). I remember really struggling with the fact that I had lived with a monster. I didn't realize good and evil was such a big belief in my life.
Okay, let's move on to other examples. Can a relatively "good" person make bad choices and still be an okay human being? The next example that came up at lunch was Special Ops Boy. Polly said, "What about that guy? He intentionally deceived you." It made me think about things. When I sent him You Are So Busted Email, he replied that he tried to stay away but then he would hear from me and then he would continue. If I knew he was married, I would not have ever talked to him again. That is intentional. And deceptive. I would say it is profoundly immoral and malevolent.
My good friend Birch told me once that when he got serious with his girlfriend he contacted a woman he had been seeing off and on. He said something like: I enjoyed spending time with you. I met a great lady so you and I are not going to have sex with each other again. The lady said something like: Bummer. I'll miss you. Good luck and thanks. Respectful. Adult. Honest.
I think about Spencer. He drove me crazy and he was a bit wacky, but he was not evil. Same for my 1st husband and other men that have been in my life.
I was telling my sister and friend how a married co-worker from out west put the moves on me this last week. I shut him down by physically picking his hand up off my leg and flinging it away. I wondered what it is that I emit that lures in the married man? Do I have some type of Come to Me Married AssClown pheromone? I am serious.
I think we all face 100% Evil at least once in our lives. I just need to make sure I avoid it next time. Just like I flung that guy's hand off my leg, I will fling liars and cheaters away!
evil |ˈēvəl|adjectiveprofoundly immoral and malevolent : his evil deeds | no man is so evil as tobe beyond redemption.• (of a force or spirit) embodying or associated with the forces of thedevil : we have been driven out of the house by this evil spirit.• harmful or tending to harm : the evil effects of high taxes.• (of something seen or smelled) extremely unpleasant : a bathroomwith an evil smell.
evil |ˈēvəl|adjectiveprofoundly immoral and malevolent : his evil deeds | no man is so evil as tobe beyond redemption.• (of a force or spirit) embodying or associated with the forces of thedevil : we have been driven out of the house by this evil spirit.• harmful or tending to harm : the evil effects of high taxes.• (of something seen or smelled) extremely unpleasant : a bathroomwith an evil smell.
I think the concept of, and use of the word, evil is overused thse days. I kow people that were totally convinced the world was coming to an end when Obama was elected because he was "evil". Someone can be a bad guy, or do things you don't agree with, but being evil is a whole other step that most of us that make mistakes (and we ALL do) don't aspire to. We've all made bad choices, slept with married women, and men, but doesn't make us evil does it? If so, I think 98% of the people reading this fall in that category, including me. Especially me. I think it's the intent. If you sleep with a married man or woman with the intent of hurting someone, then I think that's evil. But having a one night fling with a known married partner is WAY more damaging and "evil" than falling in love with someone and acting out of that love. I'm rambling I know. Just my two cents.
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ReplyDeleteHad too many typos in first one. Trying again...You bring up something that a few of my friends have brought up--my intent is not to come across holier than thou. I know there are all kinds of circumstances when it comes to relationships, sex and timing of falling in love. I do have a real problem with people lying and cheating in a calculated fashion. Exhibit A--John pursuing Pao and starting a relationship with her while acting like everything was peachy with me. Telling me how much he loved me. Making major purchases with me. Exhibit B--SOB sleeping with me a couple of weeks before he got married, again 5 months after he got married and then again 6 months later. He never once mentioned that he was married. I imagined what it was like that night when he landed. I can see him calling home and checking in with his wife as he drives to my house. As I told him--if I am going to participate in something I loathe, I would like a choice. Calculated lying = EVIL to me.
ReplyDeleteWasn't meaning to say you were coming across holier than thou .. at all. Totally agree with your assessment of JOHN and SOB. That was evil becasue it was calcualted misrepresentation.
ReplyDeleteI know you weren't--I've had friends say that they feel bad when they read my descriptions of how I feel as a result of being lied to or cheated on. I do know I have very definite opinions!
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