Hot Tub Horror

I get scared when I get in the hot tub alone at night (big mama I know that's a fear for you too). I get in. I get all comfy. I sip my vino. I'm feeling keeno and THEN...I start thinking about all the shows I watch: Dexter, Criminal Minds, Law and Order SVU, Medium, Numbers. The list goes on and on. My imagination goes wild. It's usually a guy that comes along the west side of my house with an axe. A gun would be too loud. One night a possum was in the bushes and it scared the shit out of me. I ran in the house and locked the door.  Tonight I figured out my game plan if this ever happens. Picture this: I'm all sassy with my cute bathing suit and wine. Axe Man comes up and says something like, "I'm going axe you just like your scary shows." I look at Axe Man and smile and say, "Nah, you don't want to do that. I am right on the brink of meeting a great guy. THE ONE. If you axe me that will fuck it all up."  I ask if he would like some vino? He accepts. I run in and fix a glass while deftly hitting the alarm button for the police. I go back out and he's in the hot tub. In his boxers. Axe Man is a gentleman. I hand him his wine and notice the axe is leaning against the rail.We discuss THE ONE I'm going to meet. Axe Man confides that he's had some issues with dating as well. I nod sympathetically as he tells his tales of woe. Just as I am worried that the conversation is dwindling a cop jumps out and grabs Axe Man. 

The End